Film Crack

I'm Back

2010-04-25T19:18:00.002+01:00

It's been almost a year since my last update. Why? Ya know, I'm not sure. I could have lost interest. I could have kept meaning to update to page but never got around to it. I could have been on a round-the-world trip and only just got back (I haven't).

I've missed it though.

Is anybody still here?

Black Widow Photo

2009-07-17T12:07:00.006+01:00

Ah, torn between my dislike of Scarlett Johanssen and my undying love of redheads and leather.

Though that hair looks like it came directly from a Cabbage Patch Doll.

RetroReview - THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

2009-07-13T10:07:00.012+01:00

Synopsis: Just after the turn of the century, a baby is born with all the signs of old age. Growing up an old man, Benjamin Button ages backwards, destined to live his life getting younger as those around him age. As soon as he's mature enough, he sets out to see the world, encountering new experiences as he goes...

Review: A staggering technical achievement and a visual treat, Button is rarely more than the sum of its well-polished parts. Gorgeous cinematography, sets and amazing CGI aside, the film is a victim of its own style, sacrificing character for spectacle.

The joking 'Forrest Gump with A Levels' metaphor is strikingly accurate; the tale of a unique individual told with a more visual flair but with a fraction of the heart. Emotion rarely encroaches on the proceedings, leaving an audience feeling hollow and empty. There is little tragedy felt when Benjamin realises, and indeed meets, his final fate, nor is there joy, just bemusement at the inevitable climax.

Performances are uniformly excellent, the standout of course being Brad Pitt, managing to capture childlike innocence and wonder as on old man and world weariness as he approaches an elderly childhood. Blanchett is as wonderful as ever, despite her character being a spoiled whiner for the early half of the film, as is Tilda Swinton in a role too small for her talents.

A few standout sequences are worthy of note, most of all a short discussion of coincidence and fate which sees several characters intertwining days and how each knock on effect can culminate in disaster. But it's over far too quickly, resuming an otherwise very straightforward narrative. The only emotional beat that came close to touching me was the subplot with Button's estranged biological father, which culminates in a genuinely moving moment.

However, the vaunted tagline of 'Life must be lived backwards to be understood forwards' is irrelevant - managing to be neither implicit, explicit or subtle, there are little life lessons to be gleaned here other than 'life life to the full' and 'don't be ashamed of who you are'. A close-to-three-hour runtime and slow burning pace is to the film's detriment; shaving an hour would give the film far more impact.

It is far from David Fincher's best work - perhaps his most impressive from a visual stance, but sitting alongside Panic Room and The Game as technically proficient but ultimately empty fare.

To say I was disappointed would be fair, though I did enjoy the film - just not as much as I was hoping I would.

Green Lantern Not Bringing Sexy Back!

2009-07-11T13:36:00.006+01:00

It's official. Justin Timberlake is NOT the Green Lantern. The fanboy community just breathed a huge sigh of relief.

It's Ryan Reynolds after all.

I, for one, am incredibly pleased with this casting. I've been a fan of Reynolds for a long time, and he's one of those actors I'd watch in anything. He's more than capable of of being the big, bold superhero type, and he'll really bring an emotional depth to Hal Jordan that the character deserves.

And he's not Justin Timberlake, which gets him extra points.

Green Lantern...Justin Timberlake!?!?!

2009-07-10T10:43:00.002+01:00

Allegedly casting for The Green Lantern has narrowed ptential Hal Jordan's to three candidates. Man of the moment Bradley Cooper, ubiquitous Ryan Reynolds, and...teen popster and greasy sexbag Justin Timberlake.

This is not reality!

As far as I'm concerned this is a spectacularly dumbass state of affairs. Not to belittle JT's talent as a music star, but his acting leaves something to be desired. From doe-eyed, Killers-singing soldier in the dire Southland Tales, to unfunny cameos in dreck like The Love Guru, JT isn't an actor. He's a money draw with delusions of grandeur.

While I don't mind a renaissance man every now and then, 99% of music stars making the crossver into acting are awful. Trading in on success in one field to force your way into another feels cheap and rarely shows talent. Rappers are the worst offenders, with very few ever rising above mediocrity (aside from Mos Def, I'm hard pressed to think of any), but then there's the likes of Bon Jovi doing as equally a bad job. It works the same the other way too, with thesps trying to sell us their dulcet vocals. Did anybody buy Lindsay Lohan's album? Does anybody really care that Billy Bob Thornton has a band?

I think the failure is largely due to a) talent, or lack thereof and b) over saturation. An audience only wants to see your face so often, and once they've accepted you as an actor, you're going to have to do your damndest to prove that your warblings are worth listening to.

So, is JT's crossover appeal really worth the woeful miscasting and potential ruination of a franchise? Is suspension of disblief strong enough that while he battles intergalactic alien threats, we won't be thinking of him crying rivers or bringing sexy back? And are the hordes of screaming teenage girls that'll blindly line up to see him parade around in lycra or leather worth the stigma the film will get for being 'That one with him from N'Sync in tights'?

Awful casting, awful decision. Fingers crossed we get, if we absolutely must, Cooper or Reynolds.

What do you guys think?

Trailer - DISTRICT 9

2009-07-09T07:46:00.000+01:00

The big surprise with the theatrical trailer is that the film isn't just a straight documentary style as previously thought, but looks to be a military vs aliens flick with a political message. Still, it looks absolutely incredible...

Trailer - BOOK OF BLOOD

2009-07-08T07:53:00.002+01:00

This shows an inkling of promise, though the decision to expand the frame story from the original, two volume short story collection is an odd one - though filled with rich visual imagery, many of the short stories are far more interesting and this could have been a nice portmanteau piece.

Though I'm still not totally convinced, it's nice to see a horror film not populated entirely by teenagers, and the last Clive Barker adaptation The Midnight Meat Train was very, very good. My review of that, here.

Trailer - JENNIFER'S BODY

2009-07-06T11:50:00.008+01:00

Shocktillyoudrop has posted the trailer for the Diablo Cody scripted, Megan Fox starring teen horror flick Jennifer's Body - and, unsurprisingly, it's further proof the horror genre's on its arse.

With the Queen of Vacuous, Megan Fox in the lead as a demonic shagger, this looks somwhere between Juno, Species, and every other bad teen horror movie you've ever seen, regardless of how much hype this'll generate because it's written by an Oscar winner.

Don't get me wrong, I like Juno, though largely due to its performances. The dialogue was often stylised to within an inch of its life and far beyond the realm of suspension of disbelief. Nobody, regardless of intelligence, really speaks like that.

Review - TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

2009-07-05T16:15:00.007+01:00

Synopsis: Alien robots hit each other. What were you expecting, Shakespeare?

Review: I'm not going to waste a lot of column space on this review, because it's just one of those movies that will get a critical kicking and make shedloads of money, and regardless what I say, the so-called smug cineastes will still maul it, crying out 'I'm an intelligent movie goer and I'm above this kind of thing.' I feel all the people writing endless slurs are missing the point. If ever a film typified 'brainless entertainment' it's the Transformers franchise - complaining that the dialogue's terrible (it is), the focus is often too sexual (it is), and it's all an excerising in money making (I hate to be the one to break it to you - it is), is the equivalent of starting a kicking contest with a man with no legs. Big and dumb? You're joking me!

So, the things you've heard are indeed all true. Robotic, racist stereoptypes abound. Whenever there's a female on screen, the camera generally hovers about two inches below their impossibly bronzed thighs. It's waaaay too long, with a good hour's worth of material that shouldn't have even been written down in the first place, let alone hit the cutting room floor.

But it's a big, loud dose of eye candy straight to the very dumbest parts of your brain, and no matter how hard I try, I find it impossible to dislike cars going fast, growing legs and shooting each other - no matter how much I may pretend not to when discussing it with some high-brow cine-snob extolling the virtues of There Will Be Blood for the thirtieth time. You know what - I was probably sitting next to you during There Will Be Blood, and loving it just as much as you. Genuinely great movie, ain't it?

Now shush, the robots are fighting again.

Guilt is not something I feel when stating that I enjoyed the movie, and I certainly won't aplogise for said enjoyment. I also won't apologise for everything movie doesn't succeed at - it's often spectacularly closed minded, too smutty for the youngsters and borders on offensive in its cultural depictions. It's instantly disposable and forgetable, and it's not as good as the first one.

But I couldn't give enough of a toss to cry about it - it's not as if a flick about alien robots twatting each other set out with an agenda to ruffle the feathers of the left wing. A third franchise entry is inevitable, and likely to be as empty and moronic as this one.

Can I book my ticket now?

RetroReview - EAGLE EYE

2009-07-03T08:04:00.007+01:00

Spoilers ahead...

Synopsis: Loser Jerry Shaw finds a huge amount of cash in his account and weapons in his apartment. Suddenly, his phone rings, telling him he needs to run...

Review: Hitchcock for the Myspace generation, so goes the buzz. I say, nonsense for the ADD crowd. A techno thriller that starts of with a slick premise and slicker direction ploughs into incredulity in its second act and downright farce in its third. You can boil the entire plot down to: "Skynet-lite attempts to assassinate the president using an exploding trumpet." That is in no way an exaggeration or a lie. It's the third act of Get Smart without the irony or the good will.

DJ Caruso's follow up to the enjoyable Disturbia is certainly sharply shot and edited, and the action for the most part is exciting as long as it stays in the realms of sanity. Performances throughout are its saving grace, with Shia LaBoeuf consistently likeable and Michelle Monaghan always worth a watch. But people like Billy Bob Thornton and Rosario Dawson stumble around with little to do but fill underwritten cliches. Thornton gets the film's only good line: "If you don't have this thing sorted, I'll see it you're demoted to a job that involves touching shit with your hands."

You really have to wonder... A supercomputer that can hack any CCTV camera, any phone, any electrical device on the grid and even, and this is where one of the films buggest guffaws comes, decypher voice patterns and speech through vibrations in a coffee cup... Is the plan to save the USA by way of a pitch-activated exploding brass band really the best it could come up with? Why not just cruise-control all of the White House cars off a cliff somewhere?

And why does no bugger think to just turn it off?

This Is Not Reality!

2009-06-30T07:59:00.009+01:00

Every now and then, a movie or an idea comes along which is so bad, dumb, pointless and worthless that it'll leave you sitting, staring blankly at the screen wondering if you're really living your life in a world where the laws or physics and logic exist, or if you've drifted into a parallel universe where nothing makes any semblance of sense.

You think... This is not reality.

Inspired by Sam Neill's breakdown in John Carpenter's underrated horror gem In The Mouth Of Madness, the this is not reality can strike at any time. Sometimes, sitting with your popcorn, you're not sure whether to laugh or cry, so it pays to do both.

It's kind of my equivalent of a zero star review. Incidentally, I watched Hitman at the weekend. That gets the honour of this site's first newest tag.

Newswise, today's TINR comes with news of a remake of An American Werewolf In London.

American Werewolf is one of those movies that really shouldn't be tarred with the remake brush - it's pretty much perfect in its intentions and execution. From it's groundbreaking makeup effects (which still look amazing, by the way), to its humour, to its tragedy, it does horror and comedy in equally effective measure.

If you need proof of it's success, just look at the attempt to make a sequel, An American Werewolf In Paris. That's the kind of film TINR moments were born of. Do we really need an update aimed at teens with a sexed up cast and endless pop culture references?

Stick to the road, lads. And beware the moon. And repeat after me...

This is not reality!

Trailers - THE INVENTION OF LYING / GAMER

2009-06-30T07:54:00.003+01:00

THE INVENTION OF LYING

Previously known as 'This Side Of Truth' (or something like that...), this shows a lot of promise and it'd be great to see Gervais follow up Ghost Town with another winner. The supporting cast certainly doesn't hurt - with the likes of Tina Fey, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman and Jonah Hill lending a hand.

GAMER

The Crank helmers' ode-to-the-80s action fest looks like a combo of The Running Man, Death Race and Every Other Action Movie Ever. But I do always have s soft spot for that kinda dumb.

Transformers II - Kermode Style

2009-06-29T07:58:00.005+01:00

I still haven't seen Revenge Of The Fallen - I've been waiting for the crowds to die down.

But this is the best summation of all the reviews I've heard thus far, courtesy of the Good Doctor...

Trailer - THE BOX

2009-06-25T17:37:00.002+01:00

A couple of Dicks...

* Richard Matheson wrote my favourite book (I Am Legend - let's not mention the movie).

* With Donnie Darko and Southland Tales, Richard Kelly has a track record that's more than fifty percent failure (the overblown nonsense of his second feature more than makes up for half his bloated output.

The trailer for The Box suggests somewhere in between, though veering closer to the latter in terms of unecessary drama and cliche. I get the same vibe from this as from 1408, which was an overstuffed turkey with few redeeming features.

Love James Marsden though.

And seriously, the use of the Saw theme tune in thriller trailers has to stop - it's not quite iconic, but it's familiar enough to draw attention to itself.

RetroReview Roundup

2009-06-25T07:56:00.010+01:00

I caught up with a lot of movies recently, and don't really have the inclination right now to do a full review of each. Here's an idea of what I've seen recently and a few brief thoughts:

Get Smart - Steve Carrell's big screen spy comedy. Formulaic but likeable due to easy chemistry and a well executed final act. * * * *

My Name Is Bruce - Bruce Campbell love-fest that sees him playing 'himself' and forced to do battle with an ancient Chinese spirit. If you're a fan of the chin, you should get a kick out of it. I did, but it's by no means a good film. * *

Charlie Bartlett - Savvy and sarcastic high school flick that sees spoiled kid Charlie running the school by way of therapy and prescription drugs. Excellent work from Robert Downey Jr and more proof that Anton Yelchin's destined for stardom. * * * *

The City Of Ember - Smart family filmmaking where the biggest star is the gorgeous Ember set. It's great to see such an amazing looking thing actually built for real. * * *

Stuck - Grotty and gripping B-movie throwback that sees Stephen Rea trapped in Mena Suvari's windscreen and left to die. Traces of horror and black, black comedy. * * *

The Savages - Muddled and twee and a little too self aware at times, the story of siblings coping with a senile father is made worth the journey thanks to great performances from Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney. * *

Lars & The Real Girl - Gentle and charming flick that goes far beyond a simple plotline of 'guy falls in love with a love doll'. Ryan Gosling shines. * * * *

RetroReview - THE FALL

2009-06-19T18:32:00.016+01:00

Synopsis: During the dawn of Hollywood, a crippled, bedridden stuntman befriends a young girl in hospital, spinning her a tale of love, honour, courage and betrayal brought to vivid life by her imagination.

Review: Wow.

That meagre little word doesn't really do justice to the feeling this film left me with, but I'll use it just the same. The word 'awesome' has been diluted to the point that it's original meaning has sort of been lost, but this movie is awesome in its true sense. 'Epic' is another, and god forbid I use 'masterpiece', right?

To hell with it. An awesome, epic masterpiece.

This is a film you need to see to believe, the scale, breadth and density of its scope is insanely large and never anything less than eye-poppingly beautiful, a staggering acheivement when you realise via way of DVD extras and research that most of it is done for real, in camera, with real locations or sets. It's the kind of film that makes you want to travel the world to see its locations for real, or have each frame turned into a wall-sized print to get lost in.

From its opening, ultra slow-mo black and white sequence of a horse being hoisted out of a river, through its muted hospital framing story to its vibrant, imagined story, the film is never less than visually arresting and gorgeous to behold. Thematically it's a tale about storytelling and imagination; the healing power of a good yarn and the collaborative power of a joint effort. The film also, approaches some darker themes regarding the loss of innocence and death, but all of this is layered deeply within the astounding window dressing. Cinematography renders each scene a memorable experience.

The film belongs to its two leads, Lee Pace (pre-Pushing Daisies, career defining) and Catinca Untaru, giving the finest performance ever given by anybody under ten. She's so good, it's no surprise to find out that perhaps it's not a performance at all; during filming, cast and crew maintained the illusion that Pace was actually confined to a wheelchair and his bed, and scenes between them were often shot through hidden gaps in scenery in order to capture her natural, childlike innocence. Director Tarsem (formerly of The Cell fame, the stylish but empty police thriller) excels in every aspect here.

If I have to make comparisons, it's like a strange combination of Big Fish and Pan's Labyrinth (both in my top ten favourite films, so is it any wonder I'm in love with The Fall?). But this film is its own unique entity, and has left me so spellbound that will guarantee both regular repeat viewings, and the kind of fervent defending very few films create.

The highest of recommendations - regardless of your ultimate feeling towards it, it's a film any film fan should see.

Review - THE HANGOVER

2009-06-15T07:38:00.006+01:00

Synopsis: Three 'best men' wake up in Vegas following a heavy stag do, with no memory of the night before, a missing groom, a tiger in the bathroom and a baby in the cupboard. They set out to figure out what the hell happened. Hilarity ensues. No, really.

Review: Todd Phillips of Old School fame continues to mine the seam of adolescent alpha male chuckles with workmanlike skill and plenty of bellylaughs. For a comedy to work, it really needs to follow one basic rule: it doesn't need to be big nor clever, it just needs to be funny. The Hangover, thankfully, is.

Much of it is due to it's likeable cast, injecting beleivability and charm into an otherwise pedestrian plot. Bradley Cooper impresses me more and more with every new performance, but he's the straight man to Zach Galafianakis and The Office's superb Ed Helms, playing idiot man child and henpecked dentist, respectively. Supporting cast veers from underused and underwritten (Heather Graham) to flat-out odd (Mike Tyson), but everybody seems to be having a good time and the spirit is infectious.

Despite it's cookie cutter basic plot, it's the set pieces and verbal banter that stand out; there is a real sense of surprise as each new revelation comes into play, from a valet-parked police car to a naked Chinese gangster in the trunk. I've never had a hangover quite so event-packed, and feel almost jealous.

Short, sharp and funny.

Review - CHOKE

2009-06-11T17:12:00.007+01:00

Now with fancy new star rating graphics. Ooh, get me!

Synopsis: Colonial-Experience Tour guide Victor Mancini (Sam Rockwell) tries to balance life as a sex addict with caring for his mentally-failing mother, all the while trying to reconcile his childhood issues.

Review: Based on Chuck "Fight Club" Palahniuk's novel, Choke is a black comedy that manages to muster a fair bit of warmth and heart for it's deviant and dark subject matter, largely thanks to skilful direction and superb performances. What could be shocking and alienating (the sex addict circle's confessions'; Victor's scam of fake-choking in a restaurant to get attention and a constant string of sympathy-money; an anal-bead incident and his encounter with a rape fetishest) comes across as strangely human and all the more funny for it, with the phsyical moments playing second place to themes, ideas and deconstruction of character.

Sam Rockwell's effortless portrayal of a man whom we shouldn't really feel a whole lot of sympathy for makes us fall in love with Victor despite his misgivings, and the caring relationship for his ailing mother (Angelica Huston, brilliant as ever) is highlighted through various flashbacks where we get a few explanations for why Victor may be the way he is. You can't really blame him for ending up where he does. His relationship with nurse Kelly MacDonald (consistently proving she's incapable of being bad) goes from being absurd to poignant, and somewhere in the middle there's the suspicion that Victor may just be the second coming...

Smart, funny and memorable, well worth your time.

Review - TERMINATOR: SALVATION

2009-06-07T18:15:00.015+01:00

Here there be spoilers...

Synopsis: In the year 2018, the human resistance wages war against Skynet's army of machines. Meanwhile, Marcus Wright wanders the wasteland wondering who he is - but if you've seen the trailers, you know well before he figures it out. And even then it makes no sense.

Review: Nonsense. Sheer nonsense.

I know questioning logic in a franchise that involves time travelling robots is a little rich, but any film or series should at least be consistent to its own internal logic. This ain't. Salvation is so riddled with plotholes and ludicrous logic that the moment you start analysing it it unravels...taking the entire three previous movies with it too.

Okay. Opening scene. 2003. Murderer Marcus Wright signs a sheet while on death row to give his body to medical science, entrusting it to the care of a pointless Helena Bonham Carter. Shortly after, Judgement Day happens, humans becomes resistance fighters to stave off extinction, John Connor steps becomes a cult hero, yadda yadda yadda, fifteen years go by... Marcus Wright wanders a post apocalyptic landscape, wondering who he is and where he came from. In a shocking twist that anybody with half a brain, or eyes, knew was coming, turns out he's a Terminator! My gawd! But what kind?

An infiltration unit! The perfect way to get a Terminator up close and personal to a target, befriend him, then kill him. And this advanced model is invented...BEFORE the T-800! Arnie, appearing in the film by way of a CGI cameo that looks like the dudes who did the FX from the end of The Mummy Returns did some moonlighting, is a brand new model at this point!

Which raises the question...when time travel is eventually invented (T4 is set before any robots go back...) why don't they send Marcus back then, to befriend Sarah Connor, make nice, then do her in when she trusts him? That said...why do they need a death row inmate in 2003 to eventually become their sleeper agent? Surely, with all those humans they're rounding up, convert them into hybrids and send them back in time? An army of undetectable folks who could happily befriend any threats in the past until the time was right to strike? Instead of a giant musclebound hulk with a desert eagle?

More glaring errors or crowning moments of dumb? Skynet has a hitlist - number one on it being Kyle Reese. Kill Kyle, change history. They've worked that out. Clever, those robots. So, when they capture Kyle Reese, and identify him, and the big robot hand plucks him out, it's game over right? Right? No, they take him hostage, against all reason and sense, apparently to draw out John Connor. Who was coming to Skynet HQ anyway. And by killing Kyle Reese, John Connor would cease to be. But no - that would mean there wouldn't be a pointless action scene in which John has to save Kyle. The robots seem to break programming because they know how a three act action movie structure works.

Marcus' own self discovery of being a Terminator also seems to open up all the perks that brings: previously, we know he can handle himself in a fight, because he batters some wily rapists. Upon learning his true nature, he can punch a T-800 and send it flying, snap off robotic limbs etc. How comes those rapists earlier in the movie don't end up with caved in skulls or as mushy puddles?

Other things that you really shouldn't be questioning start popping into your head, a sign that film's quite boring at times, for example: Skynet HQ in San Francisco. It's all machine factories and prison cells... and GIANT PRISTINE SKYSCRAPERS THAT ALL HAVE CARPETS, AIR CONDITIONING AND COMPUTER TERMINALS THAT ARE DESIGNED FOR HUMAN INTERFACE! Really? Why would Skynet go to the trouble to build a massive tower that may as well have 'RESISTANCE: BOMB HERE' written on the side, and THEN make it aesthetically pleasing and piss easy for all those who wish to try.

Then there's just things that the film gets wrong and or doesn't pay off. Kyle Reese's mute, spider-sense having war child? Pointless, save for an unexplained early warning system where she freezes when danger's near (including a massive Harvester that, to be fair, they all should have heard creeping up. Because it's the size of a house.) Common's soldier who just lost his brother? Needless. Pregnant Kate Brewster? A set up for some shocking peril or heartrending tragedy? Nope. Doe eyed battlefield doctor who doesn't do much doctorin' till the closing scene. Those plot devices neat steady hands to crowbar in, you see...

Plus...John Connor's a bit of dick. There's no sense that he's a knowledgeable leader, in fact the only real way he could have ever gotten such a cult following is to say "Hey, it hasn't happened yet, but they're going to send robots back in time to try and kill me because I become some hot-shit resistance leader. Can I be the hot-shit resistance leader now, or will I have to do some twee Messianic radio broadcasts first? Okay, hand me the mic." Another thing...Christian Bale forgot how to do Proper Acting (TM) this time around. Apparently barking like a heat-addled rottweiller is okay in the future. Every scene looks and feels like it could be the one during which he freaked out and shouted at the DP. Every single one.

Marcus is a far more interesting character on paper, but in execution he's flat. His relationship with pilot Blair Williams is where the film's get's its heart (if you've seen the flick, you know how bad that pun is), but it isn't on screen long enough to care.

Believe ot or not, I did enjoy the film. The look and cinematrography is fantastic, the various new Terminators all work and it really does look like a post apocalyptic future. The action scene with the Harvester and the moto-Terminators is tremendous. Anton Yelchin's Kyle Reese is fantastic, Moon Bloodgood's Blair deserves far more screen time, and Sam Worthingon does what he can to elevate a role that still stands out as being more interesting than John Connor despite bad writing and logic.

Thing is, when the final credits roll - nothing's changed. The resistance wins the battle but Skynet goes on. Nobody's really learned anything. The film is just one big shrug. It's nowhere near as good as T2 or the original Terminator. It's not as good as the ending of T3. It's probably marginally better than the rest of T3. I'll buy it on DVD when it's cheap, but a classic it ain't.

Retro Review - THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

2009-06-07T11:58:00.012+01:00

Synopsis: New York urban photographer Leon (Bradley Cooper) is urged by a potential investor to really push the boundaries of his art by photographig the dark underbelly of the city. His journey takes him into the subways, where butcher Mahogany (Vinnie Jones) stalks the late night carriages, claiming victims for dark purposes.

Review: Based on Clive Barker's short story, The Midnight Meat Train is both a sterling adaptation and a triumphant horror film, standing head and shoulders above other recent genre efforts through effective suspense, character work and, dare I say it, actually having something to say.

Issues explored include the relationship between violence and the media, desensitisation, the objectice/subjective viewpoint and the corruption of the soul and ideals - but all done visually with deft skill. Many of the victims lose their eyes in the brutal attacks, while at the same time our protagonist uses his own mechanical eye to document it. One particularly interesting scene shows the POV of the victim, from first strike to killing blow - it's chilling, disorientating and scary.

Bradley Cooper impresses as the leading man, who's humanity is gradually stripped away as he pursues his dreams, but this is Vinnie Jones' movie, giving a performance I never thought him capable of. Sure, it's completely silent, but he brings a strange humanity to the role of the butcher, giving a measured physical performance to craft a memorable horror icon.

Any minor changes to the story (he's an accountant in prose) are done to service the story and make a point but, surprisingly, the story's ending is preserved here almost completely - it's a little more supernatural, but it's a nice reflection on society.

It's criminal that this was not really noticed at the cinema and, if there's any justice, will find a following on DVD. Intelligent horror is a rarity these days. Well worth your time.

* * * * - 4 Stars

770 (ish) - My DVD Collection

2009-06-03T18:32:00.006+01:00

Over at Do You Have A Flag? talk turned to DVD collections following a post displaying the lovely blog owner's own stash, and I thought I'd chime in with mine. Having counted all cases and box sets (I figure something like Back To The Future/Alien can be counted as three and four films, respectively, whereas a full series of a TV show is to be counted at one), I have...770 DVDs. Well, at least 770 - because chances are somewhere in the region of 10-20 are currently out in the world amongst friends.

Of course, taste is entirely personal, so you'll likely scratch your heads at the presence of certain things, but there's nothing there I'm too embarassed about. Note also, that is a joint collection with me and my good lady...though only about 40-50 of them are hers.

For those interested, photos below...

This is the corner of our living room. We've also got plenty of movie related toys and trinkets, including Neo and Trinity, Neo Vs Agent SMith, and Snake Plissken...

The bottom shelf on either side of this unit is TV comedy, stand up and general interest.

Look at Gizmo!

And this is a seperate unit with the bulk of TV drama series and some of the comedy spilled over. At the bottom right you can see the collection of HD DVDs. Yep, I was one of the suckers who got an HD drive about a week before the format died. I'm an idiot.

So - that's a little insight into just how obsessed I am with movies and TV. Now it's your turn...

Greatest Fan Made Trailer Ever - GREEN LANTERN

2009-05-25T08:58:00.001+01:00

If the upcoming movie is half as good as this, we're in for a treat. Kudos to all involved.

Trailer - SURROGATES

2009-05-22T08:22:00.000+01:00

Am I the only one laughing?

New Ghosbusters Line-Up - Second Generation Heroes

2009-05-20T08:09:00.016+01:00

Over at TotalFilm, Dan Aykroyd has released a few titbits about the upcoming Ghostbusters III, which now seems to be gathering speed. Sigourney Weaver's on board now, and they're planning the movie to be a 'passing the torch' story - with the old team handing over duties to a younger group - this time with girls as well as guys.

So the question is, who ya gonna call? Yep, I'm just as ashamed of that as I should be.

Rumours of the Apatow staple (specifically the cast of The 40 Year Old Virgin) stepping into those big shoes are still circulating, and I'd be perfectly happy with that. Who'd you want to see in a new Ghostbusters line-up? Not new people to play old characters, but actors, male and female, you'd like to see don the proton pack? No limit on number...

Dudes? Ryan Reynolds as a fast talking Venkmanesque type. Paul Rudd as the world weary cynic guaranteed to steal every scene he's in. Chuck's Zachary Levi as a geeky scientist; Mos Def as a laid back slacker type; Steve Carrell as the eternal optimist, akin to Ray Stantz.

As for the girls? Take your pick between Amy Adams; Zooey Deschanel or Jenna Fischer - though my favourite would have to be the wonderful Tina Fey.

Your thoughts and ideas?

Trailer - SHERLOCK HOLMES

2009-05-19T07:49:00.003+01:00

The first trailer for Guy Ricthie's revisionist take on Sherlock Holmes has landed, and it looks to be solid, entertaining and funny -- which is nice. Hell, it's got to be better than The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Expect a mix of sex appeal and camp - Rachel McAdams in a stocking and corset combo firmly balanced out with a sweaty slow-mo bareknuckle boxing fight

It's great watching the rise and rise of Robert Downey Junior, though his British accent, while less wobbly than in Chaplin, is still less than steady.

Colour me interested.

Trailer - THE ROAD

2009-05-15T07:52:00.002+01:00

I'm really impressed with the look of this. I'm a big fan of the book, having read it on a beach in Greece last summer, and despite sweltering heat it actually made me shiver throughout.

A few story points look like they've been changed for less discerning audiences - we may get a reason for the apocalypse, and Charlize Theron's character looks to have a far expanded role, but I guess some concessions have to me made. Looks to be another masterful performance from Mr Mortenson.

I can't wait.

Review - STAR TREK

2009-05-09T12:15:00.015+01:00

Minor Spoilers Ahead...as well as plenty of naff Trek puns. I just can't help it.

This will likely be a long one - because, as most reviews I've read of this film, there needs to be a context. Star Trek is a big animal, and I have a history with it...

Let's begin...

"How do you feel, Jim?"
Leonard McCoy - Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan

Star Trek is another franchise I bring a lot of baggage to. In fact, the most baggage.

Growing up -- from about the age of 11 -- Trek was my thing. In a big way. We're talking obsession. Having caught an episode of TNG one evening while ill in bed and unable to change the channel, I was hooked. I even remember the episode - Hero Worship, with the young kid who models himself on Data after an accident that killed his family.

All my pocket money went on Trek stuff. I made it my mission to track down, see and own every episode. DS9 was into it's second or third year, and I got sucked into that. I watched The Original Series when it was shown on Sunday mornings. Voyager started in the mid-to-late nineties, feeding my fix further.

I lived Star Trek, and I owe it - it's responsible for me making friends I still have to this day, and even, as trite and cliched as it sounds, making me who I am. Liking Star Trek more than football at my school was pretty much a guaranteed way to single yourself out for abuse. And the abuse came fervently. But I never backed down, never hid my passion - because Trek helped me through those times. Here were characters I cared about, dishing out lessons in life every week, and offering an exciting, hopeful future.

But then things started to change.

Certainly, some of it has to do with the fact hat I was getting older. Reading more, seeing more, expanding my obsession with film. Experiencing more of life. Understanding texts more than I ever had before.

But that's only half of it. At a certain point, I came to the realisation that Star Trek was dying.

Ten years ago, the cracks were appearing. First Contact, the last great Trek film, came out in 1998, and a year later, Deep Space Nine ended. DS9 has often been considered the black sheep of the Trek family; it showed a darker future than Roddenberry had intended, and the 'old guard' of Trek fans, those too stubborn to embrace anything remotely interesting or new, were hard to convince. DS9, however, had some of the finest writing, most interesting characters and complex storytelling Star Trek had ever seen. It still stands at the very top of the list as my favourite television show of all time.

Voyager started strong but took a nose dive in its later seasons, telling tired old stories and bringing in desperate, ratings-grabbing T&A in the form of Seven Of Nine, a ploy that might have gotten a few new viewers but had little hope of keeping hold of them. Mid way through season five, I stopped watching it with the same verve I'd had previously, when I wouldn't miss an episode. If I missed one when it aired, I didn't care - I'd catch up with it later. When I finally did, I realised I hadn't been missing much. Voyager's ending was a dead horse of a finale, a boring betrayal of years worth of jaded storytelling.

Insurrection had its moments, but those were limited to cutesy jokes aimed purely at die hard fans. We'd seen it all before and there was never any doubt how it was going to end. Enterprise as a series started strong and went down hill for two seasons, damaged beyond repair that even two very decent seasons couldn't save it. And then Nemesis came along and hammered the final nail into the coffin and fired it off into deep space.

What went wrong?

Star Trek got too safe. Too comfortable. Like a anything that rests on its laurels for so long, it'll get stagnant. It'll get insular, encased in its own 40 year history, bogged down by continuity so dense that it's unwelcoming to those looking to penetrate the world, and incredibly difficult for those who want to try. Star Trek became both its own exclusive nightclub and its own bouncer - if you're name wasn't on the list, you weren't getting in.

It also got the point of sterility. Star Trek got too clean. The later crews all walked round with sticks up their backsides, never stepping outside of their comfort zones, doing anything that actual humans do -- and it was all down to the writers and those in charge. While Star Trek floundered, sci-fi was thriving in its own little corner of the galaxy. We got Firefly and Battlestar Galactica - shows where interesting, human characters did interesting, human things. They weren't reinventing the wheel, they were just evolutions of the genre. They were passionate. They were exciting. These shows were everything Star Trek had forgotten about to be, and everything I wanted Star Trek to be again.

Because Star Trek deserves to live and to breathe. Things like that don't last as long as they do in their glory years without being good.

So, after five years of Star Trek existing purely as dull, out-of-canon novels and insubstantial hoping, JJ Abrams was given a shot at revitalizing the franchise. Using The Original Series as a blueprint is far cleverer than has been given credit for - fan or not, everybody knows who James T Kirk is. Who Mr. Spock is. Everyone can whistle that classic theme tune. Abrams got a chance to take all the fundamental components that made Star Trek great originally, and put them together with a whole new set of tools.

Star Trek just got a shot of adrenaline to its crippled, twisted veins. What's the verdict?

Review: This is precisely what a new Star Trek needed to be. A love letter to what has previously been, and an invitation to a new world which will, hopefully, boldly go where nobody has gone before. Yup, let the naff puns begin.

Plot-wise, on its most basic level we're seeing the birth of the crew of the USS Enterprise NCC 1701. In one case, quite literally. We see a set of circumstances that bring them all together and forge them into the crew we always knew they were destined to be. But the plot at its most complex (still startlingly simple to anyone familiar with the most basic of sci-fi tropes) gives birth to its own Universe - one free of the constraints of that 40 year continuity, while also never intending to rewrite it.

See, thanks to a collapsing star, an elderly Vulcan ambassador and a revenge-fuelled Romulan -- we have a parallel timeline where some things are the same, but many are different. The crucial point in the creation of this alternate Universe is the destruction of the USS Kelvin, a glorious, fast paced sequence that opens the film.

Whilst on a routine mission, a singularity opens before the Kelvin and a huge, technologically advanced Romulan vessel emerges. Its Captain is taken aboard the attacking Romulan vessel, the Narada, and interrogated by Nero, on such matters as the current stardate and whereabouts of Ambassador Spock. Command of the Kelvin falls to George Kirk, who does all he can to ensure the crew are able to escape -- one of which is his in-labour wife. Aboard the escaping shuttle, she gives birth to their child, and we get a dialogue exchange in which the baby is named. No prizes for guessing what they settle on.

And then, his work done, having saved over 800 lives, George Kirk pilots the Kelvin on a collision course with the Narada to do as much damage as he can. Boom. The shuttles escape, the Narada limps away to lick its wound, and the newborn James T Kirk is safe. A whole new course of events are put into motion.

Smash cut to the title screen, and we're off and running. Running fast.

The pace of the movie never lets up. Exposition is always dealt with deftly and swiftly, and the technobabble side of things delivered in a fashion to make concepts like time travel, warp speed and transporters sound effortless and welcoming to newcomers. Much of it is done visually, too, with little need for endless chatter. The first reveal of the Enterprise, for example, done so many times before, is more breathtaking than it's ever been - both under construction in an Iowa cornfield (in a perfect motivation for Kirk growing up just down the road) then hanging in space, complete with shuttle flyover to take in every detail .

Then we get Kirk as a rebellious teenager to Spock as a troubled youth trying to reconcile his Human and Vulcan sides, straight to their twenty-something years that sees Kirk in a bar fight and berated by Captain Christopher Pike, a man who knew his father and is shocked to see Kirk wasting his life. He dares Kirk to to something meaningful and join Starfleet - and Kirk is cocky enough to do so to prove Pike wrong.

Then it's a whistle stop tour of character points - Kirk's first meeting with Leonard McCoy, their Academy years, the Kobayashi Maru test and his confrontations with the progammer of said test...none other than Spock. Then a crisis on Vulcan and the fleet is dispatched to investigate - a fight Kirk isn't allowed to take part in due to his handling of the no-win scenario simulation, so it's up to a bit of creative wrangling to get him aboard the Enterprise. By this point, we're already a good thirty minutes in but it feels like ten. The film is swift, punchy and concise - and for the rest of the plot details, you'll have to see the film.

So - the characters and the performances? Chris Pine gets young Kirk right - he's cocky, arrogant and has that same swagger that Shatner brought to the role. His mouth will get him into trouble, his fists will get him out (actually, not that often - Kirk takes a few beatings throughout). He's any teenager out to prove that he's the best thing the Universe has to offer. Great work here from Pine.

Zachary Quinto does good work as Spock, particularly the scenes where his human emotions come to the surface. It's a difficult role to play when it's all straight faced and logical, because the cold, austere surface can be hard to penetrate. Quinto makes it work, and a scene which sees the two generations of Spock meet gives you a look at just how good his performance is next to the original. Of course, Nimoy still owns the role, playing Spock with the ease of sliiping on a pair of warm, comfortable slippers.

Karl Urban as Leonard McCoy. Karl Urban is Leonard McCoy. Plain and simple. The gruffness. The ability to be the soul of the Enterprise, where Kirk and Spock are the heart and brain, respectively. Urban is the guy I was most wishing would keep appearing on screen, and he steals every scene he's in. You have no idea how good this guy is.

By sheer volume of stuff the film has to get through, the other characters aren't as prominent, but they all get their chance to shine. Zoe Saldana's Uhura is smart, sexy and no-nonsense. John Cho's Sulu is, surprisingly, a bit of a badass, his fencing training coming in very handy. Anton Yelchin's Chekov gets the least to do, but has a few moments to stand apart. Then there's Simon Pegg's Scotty, who turns up midway through the movie. There's no doubt he's there to bring the humour, but bring it he does.

The film is far funnier than you'd expect - laughs ranging from the daft (Kirk's allergic reaction to an alien injection resulting in fat hands and tongue; Scotty's unfortunate sojourn through the ship's water system) to the character based - Chekov's accent, so thick even the computer has difficulty understanding him; Scotty's manic energy and down-to earth quality - "You're from the future? Do they still have sandwiches there?" The film always has a knowing sense of humour and a cheeky twinkle in its eye.

Cinematography and direction give the film scale, something the franchise has often failed in at, TV or silver screen budget alike. This Universe feels big. It looks like a movie, not an extended episode of a TV series. It's populated by colourful characters and new alien races that never draw attention to themselves - a stroll through the decks of the Enterprise has plenty to catch up on with repeat viewings. There's also aliens this time round, beyond the typical prosthetic forehead types. Kirk's encounter with -- let's call them a space gibbon and Cloverfield's little brother -- is a nice touch to flesh out the Trek universe that they could never afford before. JJ Abrams, Robert Orci and Alex Kurtxman have succeeded in making Trek cool again.

The score, too, elevates the proceedings far beyond any before it - big and bold; horns, drums and brass with the quieter stuff equally memorable. The new theme fits perfectly - and the end credits sees the classic TOS theme kick in with a full orchestra behind it. Michael Giacchino should be commended.

There is so much affection here for what's come before that it'll give a warm feeling to Trekkers willing to open their hearts to it. Things like the Kobayashi Maru test are all for the fans, but still set up character. Visual cues, from set design, costumes and props are all tweaked enough to seem fresh but familiar enough to keep the glow of nostalgia. And of course, there's enough dialogue references to keep any fan happy, but they're never intrusive enough to draw attention to themselves. Expect the usual classics like "Dammit, Jim"; "I'm a Doctor, not a..." and of course, "I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain!"

Then there are some really geeky references. Kirk's cover-of-darkness bedding of a cadet has the lights thrown on to reveal she's an Orion. A sky-diving assault in a drilling platform (the best action scene in Trek history) sees Kirk, Sulu, and a just-introduced crewman in a red jumpsuit storm in. No surprises for guessing who dies in the raid. Later we learn that Scotty's exile on the snow planet is due to a transporter accident involving "Admiral Archer's prized beagle..."

So, what's the end result? The familiar, "Space, the final frontier..." speech that comes in the film's closing moments is a manifesto again in a way that it had ceased to be. Trek forget it's own rules. Now it's finding its feet again. This is Star Trek. The old fashioned sense of swasbuckling adventure. That sense of awe at seeing those strange new worlds and new lifeforms. The promise of greater things to come. The promise of fun.

And that's the film's biggest achievement. It is fun. It bristles with hope. It's light hearted. It's adventurous. It's vibrant and it's fresh. It's Kirk, standing on the bridge at the close of The Wrath Of Khan, watching Spock's coffin descend onto the Genesis planet, and McCoy asks:

"How do you feel, Jim?"

"Young. I feel...young."In a world where everybody's going dark - Batman and Bond were both reinvented with a hard, cynical edge - Star Trek has the guts to stand up and do the opposite, because that's what the Original series always was. Bright and hopeful. The more things change, the more they stay the same. The film never loses sight of its heritage, no matter what tweaks and twists are added.

The film also really isn't doing anything that new, when you examine it -- the climax is similar to half a dozen other Trek movies. But it's the way the film does it - injecting style and scale into the proceedings to give it an epic yet respectful touch. This the Star Trek I realised I always wanted - the Star Trek the franchise should have naturally evolved into before it fell apart.

The future of the franchise is guaranteed - at least in as much that we'll get a sequel to this, and more likely a trilogy.

But this also represents a turning point for the wider franchise. This is going to generate buzz, interest and new fans by the boatload. Old fans will go back and realise why they fell in love with Trek in the first place, dig out their books and DVDs. Newcomers will go back with their new knowledge and hopefully find the older stuff more accessible. It's going to make Star Trek vibrant and viable again - which should mean new TV content. Proud continuations of the series, and the original continuity, with new urgency and life in them.

The debt I owe to Star Trek is one I repay simply. I will never turn my back on Star Trek. It helped define me. It made me who I am. I'm not foolish enough to think that things could go on forever the way they were going.

Star Trek didn't die. I was wrong about that. It just lay down to sleep, for ten long years.

I embrace this new era with open arms. This Star Trek is a strange new world, and should give birth to new generations of an old one - I pray it does. Those fans who hold the earlier era so preciously that they refuse to give this one a chance, well, they're welcome to do so. But if that's the case, they have no place in the strange new world that awaits.

God Dammit, Jim -- Star Trek is alive and well.

* * * * * - 5 Stars

RetroReviews - THE GAME / STEP BROTHERS

2009-05-07T11:46:00.011+01:00

THE GAME

Beware of spoilers...

Synopsis: Bored millionaire Michael Douglas is given a birthday present by his brother - an interactive experience designed to pump a little adventure and danger into his life.

Review: A movie that is entirely summed up by its title that never once has you beleiving anything but the original set up. Guess what...it's a game!

We're told the company behind the game is actually a covert organisation that will steal your money and frame you for murder - but surely, that's all part of the game, isn't it? Michael Douglas is put into life and death situations - but surely, that's the game too? He's then told it's all a game, it has been all along, accidentally shoots his brother, then throws himself off a roof. Yep. All a game. Cue breakaway glass, crash mat and still living brother with champagne. Happy Birthday, Michael!

Never saw that coming... Please.

To think this is what David Fincher did after Se7en is frankly shocking. Aside from some crisp cinematography there's little inventiveness or originality here. It's arse-blisteringly boring too, with no tension, lumpen performances and absurd logic throughout. Even though it is all a game, nothing can be that well executed. Much like the movie.

Misanthrope participates in a dangerous real world experience and learns how to appreciate life again? It's Total Recall meets Groundhog Day.

Badly.

* - 1 Star

STEP BROTHERS

Synopsis: Two professionals find love later in life, but their 40 year old sons aren't keen on having to live together.

Review: The weakest of the three Will Ferrell/Adam McKay collaborations, Step Brothers is, for the most part, a series of vignettes strung together with little attention to story. What passes for story is scrawled-on-napkin simple - they hate eachother, they like eachother, they tear the family apart, they grow up a little, they reuinte the family. But of course, story isn't paramount here. Laughs are.

And there's much to laugh at - purely from the interaction between Will Ferrell and John C Riley as idiot manchildren. Those laughs, as expected, are all puerile, immature, crass and lowbrow, but hey, I giggled plenty.

There's not much else to recommend this for. Anchorman and Talladega Nights are far superior films, with more quotable and lasting laughs.

* * * - 3 Stars

Review: X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE

2009-05-04T18:18:00.005+01:00

Review: I come into this one with plenty of baggage, since I'm a die hard X-Men fan. I love Singer's X-Men, and X2 is near perfect in my eyes. X3 is a disappointing, enraging failure on pretty much every level. So Wolverine was one I've followed with a real sense of wariness...even fear. I didn't want to be let down again. From a troubled production, to plot leaks, then the leak of the workprint, word was never kind to this film. A friend of mine even downloaded the workprint and wasn't entirely pleased.

And so it came to pass that the wary X-fan did risk crushing disappointment once more. He saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

And he saw that it was good.

Never before have I felt such a rushing sense of relief upon end credits as I did with this. It wasn't terrible! It wasn't average! It was actually pretty damn good!

From a truncated/slightly tweaked version of the Origin storyline where we're explicity told that Wolverine and Victor Creed are half brothers (I guess it's been implied enough in the comics that we can live with it); through a montage of them slogging through every major war of the 20th Century (an opening credits sequence that is creative, thrilling, and just plain cool), to the Team X days, Logan's self imposed exile, betrayal, Weapon X volunteering and revenge mission, it's a whistle-stop tour of Wolverine's greatest hits that explains to the audience who he is and where he came from but, of couse, not letting the ol' Canucklehead walk out with the same information. Of course, with a life as packed full of events as Logan's there's a limit to what you can fit on screen - but that's what sequels are for.

It's Jackman's movie, and he reminds us that he was born to play Wolverine. It's impossible to imagine anyone else in the role. He does the troubled loner, the bezerker savage, the reluctant hero and the revenge-driven badass all equally well. Fingers crossed we'll get another chapter, detailing he exploits in Japan.

Liev Schreiber really sinks his teeth into his role as Sabretooth in a way Tyler Mane just plain wasn't capable of in X-Men 1, but he's basically just the muscle-bound bad guy there for Logan to scrap with. Similarly Danny Huston's Stryker give an impressively bastardy turn, but he's just going through the motions to get Logan from point A to B to C.

Gambit? Always been a Gambit fan, and despite limited screen time, they absolutely nail the character. It's a shame this is likely the only time we'll see him.

The rest of Team X? Agent Zero's introduction is a cool, rapid fire gun attack right out of Equilbrium. John Wraith is...a dude form the Black Eyed Peas who can teleport. Meh. Dominic Monaghan makes the most of limited screentime (and isn't playing Beak, as many early reports suggested); and Kevin Durand as The Blob gives a genuinely memorable and enjoyable take on a forgettable character.

Deadpool? I don't have enough of a connection with the character to be as upset as some about that direction they take with Deadpool, but it's a role Ryan Reynolds was born to play. Rumours of multiple alternate scenes after the credits are confirmed and a quick youtube search will show them - one teasing Deadpool's return in a nice, fourth-wall breaking scene.

There are plenty of nods for fans, including a few nice cameos. Some are in the trailer - Cyclops, Emma Frost (more on that shortly) - and a few others are nice surprises. Stryker's 'menagerie of mutants' should have been a prime location for plenty more, but the only one I spotted on first viewing, aside from Stryker's son, was a redhaired boy with a steel plate across his mouth. Banshee, anyone?

And it just looks very good, with a very comic book aesthetic. Many shots are laid out like comic panels, and there's a hyper-real atmosphere to the way action scenes and dramatic moments are played out. It feels much more like a comic book than the it's predecessors, which isn't a bad thing at all.

It does have some problems, from both a filmmaking and a fan's point of view. Some of the effects aren't great, particularly an over abundance of fake looking CGI Wolvie claws. Surely some practical steel blades would work, and indeed have worked in three films already. There's also a lot of 'fill in the blanks and set up the trilogy' writing at work that takes away a lot of the danger; Silver Fox' final confrontation with Stryker involved the line: "I should kill you, but that would make me just as bad as you..." The real line should be, "I should kill you, but you're in X2 so you have to survive..."

Then there's the Emma Frost factor. Half of me was thrilled to see her on screen, and the brief moments of her using her diamond-skin powers are great. But the fact that she's reduced to such short screen time is not a worthy depiction of the character, and especially all of the rubbish about her being Silver Fox' sister. Fox' final order to Stryker is something Emma is far more capable of. But, admittedly, that's a fan boy nitpick.

But, overall, I had a blast and I wasn't disappointed, which is really all I could have asked for.

* * * * - 4 Stars

New Trailer Roundup

2009-05-02T10:13:00.002+01:00

Big batch of new trailers this weekend, let's take a look.

TRANSFORMERS II: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

I'm sure I've already made my feelings on this known. Big robots smashing each other just makes me happy, and Michael Bay's highly-polished mayhem is the best brand of mayhem around. Opening night - it's what the big screen was invented for.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2

The first was a fun way to spend 2 hours, and though this doesn't look like it's really pushing the envelope in any way (save for perhaps trying to crowbar more historical figures on screen than we've seen since Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure), it looks like more of the same, which I'll go for. More than likely this will be a wait-til-DVD.

GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA

My support of Transformers may make me sound like a hypocrite here, but this looks a bit naff. No, correction. Very naff. Poor effects, bad acting, general nonsense. Watch that trailer with 'Team America 2' in your mind and you'll see... Definitely wait for DVD.

DISTRICT 9

I saw the short film of this online back when Neill Blomkamp was attached to direct Halo - a gig he got based on that very short. Now it's getting a full length treatment, a documentary style look at an alien ghetto in South Africa. Obvious political sentiments and historical allegories aside, this is one to keep a close eye on for it's genre mashup and seamless integration of visual effects. Definitely worth a tirp to the cinema.

Star Trek Clips

2009-04-28T17:26:00.006+01:00

Now that the venom's out of the way regarding Halloween, on to something that's cool:

Why is that cool? Angry Brit crewman in a red jumpsuit. The target on his chest must be out of shot. Oh, and Sulu's fencing training. And the fact that it looks epic in scale.

Why is that cool? The Hulk nails the guy who tortured Iron Man. And I really like those thrown/floating graphics.

I guess this ties in to Halloween, in that this is a rebooting of a franchise I deeply love, too. I think I'm more enamoured with the idea of this because... Trek died a long time ago. Not since DS9 has the franchise been truly great. Nemesis was dire. Voyager went totally off the rails in its last two seasons. Enterprise took a long time to get genuinely good and by that point, it was too late to save. To me, Trek has a far stronger pull than Star Wars, but nothing was done about it in the last ten years. It's time for Trek to stand up again, and if it takes a reboot, I'll take that shot.

What's everybody else feeling on this?

Retro Review - HALLOWEEN (2007)

2009-04-28T17:18:00.002+01:00

That's Rob Zombie sitting there, thinking about what he did. You've been a bad boy, Rob.

The trailer for H2 (that's Halloween 2, to everybody who rightly thinks that Halloween doesn't deserve to have it's title shrunk to a single letter) just went online. I'm not going to post it here because, frankly, it's cack. Sherri Moon Zombie with a woeful hairdo as the angel/devil on Michael's shoulder and Malcolm McDowell coming out with such stonkers as 'Michael has evolved!' Gimme a break. And does anybody think releasing a film named Halloween in August is both missing a point and a marketing opportunity?

In the interest of completism, here's a previous review I wrote of Halloween (2007), written and directed by Rob Zombie, originally posted on lovefilm.com, the UK's version of Netflix.

For some additional thoughts on the horror genre, check out a previous venemous rant here. I must have been having a bad day...This review is from November 2007:

"Halloween: Une Film De Rob Zombie" or "Demystifying The Devil - and Sucking All The Way."

Review: Let's throw it out there, no beating around the bush - this film is awful. Godawful. Another film made for an idiotic teenage audience that wouldn't know horror from a Carry On movie. Rob Zombie takes the quintessential slasher movie and pointlessly remakes it with zero originiality or creativity. The first half is an interminably boring look at what makes Michael Myers the way he is, with about as much psychological depth as an episode of Frasier. His mother was a whore. His stepdad called him 'faggot' a lot. Boo hoo. Where's my mask and knife, I've got some killing to do.

The second half of the film is the first film, but told in an hour. Poorly. This brings absolutely zero to the table. I wonder if Rob Zombie has ever seen a slasher film? A single one, one of the lower spectrum straight to video pieces of guff? That's all this is. There's not a moment that stands out as memorable or stylish. The only thing that you may remember after watching is a rather uncomfortable rape sequence, and even when 'justice' is enacted upon the perpetrators, there's no satisfaction whatsoever.

There are uniformly forgettable performances from familiar genre faces. Does he think that's impressing us? 'Look - it's Ken Foree from Dawn Of The Dead! Look, it's Udo Kier! It's Danny Trejo! Brad Dourif! Clint Howard! Dee Wallace Stone!' Brilliant, Rob, your casting director likes horror movies - you clearly don't. The new Laurie Strode and her pack of teen harpies are instantly dislikable, and even Malcolm McDowell can't lift a non-existant script to anything worth watching.

And the whole logic of the thing just doesn't make sense, even for a slasher movie. During the aforementioned rape sequence, I found myself thinking, 'Would they really do that? Would they really unlock Michael's cell and sexually assault a girl in front of him when he is unchained, seven feet tall and built like a train? I doubt it. This also raises the point of how he got that big...going from a chubby girlish kid to a pro wrestler? Don't you think the owners of the asylum might keep an eye on his training regime, maybe keep him away from the weights, at least try and stop him from becoming the size of a small mountain?

And the mask...So, he steals it from one of his first victims. I'll buy that. But when he retrieves it from beneath the floorboards of his old house years later? Did he bury that after killing his family, knowing that he'd be incarcerated for years, but also knowing that one day he was coming back for that precious mask? Really? Come on! It's official. The slasher movie is dead. It came full circle - Michael Myers came home after 30 years and put the final nail in his own coffin, demolished a legacy he set in motion, all because Rob Zombie wanted to make a deep and meaningful film about one of the only characters in movie history who works better when he's not deep and meaningful.

0 Stars - Be lucky I don't believe in minus ratings.

Looking back on that - I do give the film a kicking. That was written about five minutes after I watched the film. Too harsh?

I still stand by every word. You're always harder on the ones you love, and I love me some horror. For the record, I like Zombie's previous two films. House of 1000 Corpses is a competent take on 70s grindhouse slasher fare with a few genuine moments of horror and invention. The Devil's Rejects is a grotty take on the revenge flick. He should have stuck to what he was good at.

Giving the world's biggest fan the keys to your playground doesn't always pay off. Same thing happened with Peter Jackson's King Kong. It's a total clusterf*ck of a movie, a limp, bloated fanw*nk - Peter Jackson's adolescent love letter to a classic film that was good enough without the need for a remake or a reimagining or whatever word they're using these days.

Again - always harder on the ones you love. I love the original Halloween. I shan't be watching the upcoming remake sequel. But at least that's gotta be better than the original Halloween 2, right? Judging by the new trailer, not by a long shot.

And now Jackie Earle Haley's putting on Freddy's glove, which I do think is great casting - but the more I think about it, it's plain unnecessary casting.

Note to Hollywood: Some good ideas remain good enough that you don't have to have them again 30 years later. Like pretty scabs you just shouldn't pick at.

Retro Review - THE SIGNAL

2009-04-24T07:52:00.006+01:00

Synopsis: In the city of Terminus, a strange signal broadcast over TV, radio and phonelines turns those who see/hear it into rampaging lunatics bent on chaos, violence and murder.

Review: Having heard of this one a year or so ago when it seemed to make quite a splash on the indie circuit, it was finally time to check it out on it's very quiet DVD release here in the UK.

The Signal is an interesting oddity - part sci-fi, part horror, part black comedy and part social commentary, largely never at the same time. The film is broken down into three segments, or 'transmissions' - the first showing the initial broadcast and subsequent breakdown of society, which plays like a ramped up 28 Days Later and is the film's strongest segment. The second is a black comedy of errors and ettiquette with slapstick humour and a twisted world view - all the while enjoyable but a little too out of place to really work. The third segment shifts partly back to horror, but with a tragi-romance arc played out as the film's main protagonist searches for his loved one as the world falls apart around him.

What works? Well, performances are very good (and nary a wide-eyed teen in sight) and the tension is cranked in all the right places. The parts where the humour works work very well, particularly a sequence where a severed head is reanimated and talks - this is all in another character's head, but it's a funny, well executed scene. It also does great things with a very limited budget, and an ambiguous ending goes a long way to guarantee repeat viewings, achieving a level of style and substance akin to Brazil.

What doesn't? Well, a lot of the second segment dances so strangely between satire, slapstick and downright weirdness that it just doesn't sit right with the rest of the piece. Plus, an intro sequence in the style of a 70s exploitation slasher flick, that bears no relevance to the plot, is superfluous and more than a little naff - theories that the 'signal' is this sequence warped beyond recongition may be true, but the real question is - why?

And there we get to the film's point, if it indeed it has one - where satire falls flat because it's all been done before. Evil and society's downfall coming through the TV? Seen that a million times. Watching horrific images turns us into monsters? Nothing new. The film's message gets lost in a burst of white noise.

That said, however, this is one of the most interesting horror films I've seen in recent memory, a mish-mash of genres and ideas that, while never acheiving the lofty heights it seems determined to reach, is a worthy addition to any collection.

* * * * - 4 Stars

Review - IN THE LOOP

2009-04-23T07:58:00.006+01:00

Synopsis: Government Minister Simon Foster has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth when making speeches. After a particularly bad gaffe, his aides try to spin it to their favour, but a clueless American government and military have other plans, a s a war in the Middle East looms.

Review: Smart, biting satire and a script crackling with sharp dialogue, backstabbing insults and flat out, in your face obscenity, In The Loop is British comedy drama at its very, very best. Not to be sniffed at due to its political overtones, this is simple a character piece populated by real people - as inept, clumsy and destined to fail as the rest of us.

The standout is Peter Capaldi's Malcolm Tucker, a rage-fueled Scotsman with some of the most creative swears this side of In Bruges. Just check out the following clip to get a flavour - it's certainly not for the easily offended:

That's the first time we meet him...and that's tame.

It's a film watched from behind your hands, with cringe-worthy moments aplenty and that awful feeling that it's totally accurate. These are the kinds of people/moments/decisions that stand between a world at peace and a world at war. Nobody should have that kind of power, least of all a bunch as confused as those In The Loop.

**** - 4 Stars

Waiting For Godot - Feedback

2009-04-22T07:52:00.004+01:00

Not really a review, just a brief summation...

The play was brilliant, and of course, the two lead performances were fantastic. I never would have thought Ian McKellan to be such a gifted physical comedian. The chemistry between the two was brilliant - old friends with little to do but babble and wait.

Plus, support from Simon Callow in a typically scene-stealing turn!

It was indeed a dream come true to see two legends on stage together. Best wishes go out to them on the rest of their run.

Waiting For Godot - Anticipation

2009-04-19T19:23:00.003+01:00

Though not strictly film related, there are connections here, and I wanted to share my excitement.

Last October I was lucky enough to see Hamlet on stage in Stratford Upon Avon, starring David Tennant and Patrick Stewart. It was a fantastic show, and brought a dream to life for me - seeing Mr. Stewart perform live. Of course, I was equally as excited about seeing Mr. Tennant - it was Doctor Who treading the boards alongside Captain Picard!

Tomorrow evening another dream comes true...myself and my good lady are off for another night at the theatre, this time to see Waiting For Godot - this time with Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellan!

Captain Picard and Gandalf. Professor X and Magneto.

To say I'm excited is an understatement.

Review/thoughts to follow.

Favourite Characters - Analysis

2009-04-16T16:58:00.009+01:00

Having done the 10 Favourite Characters 'net meme, (Part1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) I thought it was worth looking at what the choices said about me:

Here's the list:

1. Martin Blank - Grosse Pointe Blank

2. Walter Sobchak - The Big Lebowski

3. Randall Graves - Clerks/Clerks 2

4. Ellis 'Red' Redding - The Shawshank Redemption

5. Snake Plissken - Escape From New York / LA

6. Peter Venkman - Ghostbusters 1 & 2

7. Cherry Darling - Planet Terror

8. Mal Reynolds/Hoban Washburne - Serenity

9. Bruce Wayne/Batman - Batman Begins/The Dark Knight

10. Bill Lumbergh - Office Space

So, what does the list say about me? If I was to be an amalgam of all these characters, who would I be?

I seem to be a cool and angry smart-mouth who understands the values of loyalty, honour and justice but is also willing to throw those aside to get the job done. I'm quicker with a gun and certainly my mouth than I am with my fists, and I'd far rather solve a problem through outright verbal charm or aggression than to fire a shot. I can also be pretty damn annoying when I want to be, but my heart's always in the right place. I also like dressing up in rubber and I can pole dance really well.

Hmm.

Well, some of that may be right, but not all of it. But that list has confirmed suspcisions I always had about the type of characters I'm destine to fall in love with.

Smart-asses with hearts of gold.
Tortured loners and/or baddasses.
Girls who kick ass.

Yup, those are my kind of folks.

Favourite Characters - Part 4

2009-04-16T16:48:00.001+01:00

So, the big two are here... Without further ado...

2 - WALTER SOBCHAK
Played by: John Goodman
Movie: The Big Lebowski

Stealing the show for much of it, John Goodman’s Walter – a grizzled, Vietnam veteran with a love for bowling, guns and Jewish holidays – is a thrilling performance and a wonderful character. Aggressive, gruff and loveable at every turn. Try this...watch the film and imagine Walter never went to Vietnam. It’s even funnier.

Favourite moment:
On his views on pacifism –
Dude: “Smokey has emotional problems, man.”
Walter: “Beyond pacifism? I did not know that. I myself dabbled with pacifism once. Not in Nam of course.”

And finally...with very little deliberation...had to be...

1 - MARTIN BLANK

Played by: John Cusack

Movie: Grosse Pointe Blank

The coolest character I’ve ever seen. Black suit and tie, quick-witted and ruthlessly efficient, he’s a hitman with more of an edge than Leon. Cusack’s performance is slick, measured and never-bettered.

Favourite moments:
On his high school reunion: “They’ll all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs and they’ll have made themselves a part of something and can talk about what they do. What am I going to say? ‘I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How’ve you been.?’”

On finding out his childhood home is now an Ultimart: “You can never go home again, Oatman. But I guess you can shop there.”

Talking down the drunk old school bully. “Do you really think there’s some stored up conflict between us? There is no ‘us’. ‘We’ don’t exist. So who do you wanna hit, man? It’s not me.”

So, that's it for my list - aside from a special analysis I'll post shortly. Thanks to Trista at 10 Movies To See - this has been fun!

Review - THE ESCAPIST

2009-04-16T13:45:00.008+01:00

Synopsis:

Lifer Frank Perry (Brian Cox) hatches a plot to escape from jail in order to see his daughter before her 21st birthday. With a team of inmates all desperate to get outside into the real world, we're off and running...

Review:

Taut, low budget Brit filmmaking at its finest, The Escapist is a surprisingly original take on an old genre. Using a fractured, time jumping narrative that intercuts the escape and the planning, the film has more than a few tricks up its sleeve, and the least said about its twists and turns, the better. If you get a chance to see this, see it with as little knowledge as possible.

Many characters are cliche-riddled window dressing, but the core few manage to shine. Joseph Fiennes is unreocgnisable as a boxing-hard man, and Liam Cunningham makes a meagre role stand out. This of course, is Cox's movie, and he brings all he has to the role.

Cinematography and editing are at times able and workmanly, at others bordering on stylish - this is a film that refuses to be tied down by its tiny budget and rises above with a striking script.

Well worth your time, but remember - don't try to find out too much beforehand...

* * * * - 4 Stars

Favourite Characters - Part 3

2009-04-16T13:34:00.011+01:00

Sorry for the small delay - on to Part 3

4 - ELLIS 'RED' REDDING

Played by: Morgan Freeman

Movie: The Shawshank Redemption

Morgan Freeman’s layered, nuanced yet effortless performance helps bring Red to life as an honest, wise, even gentlemanly inmate who lives with the guilt of his terrible mistake and has his hope restored by new fish Andy Dufresne. There’s an easy way about Red that makes you want to be there with him, as if having a friend like that would make prison just that little bit more bearable. The three scenes in which we see him go for parole, eventually culminating in his release, tell a story unto themselves.

3 - RANDALL GRAVES

Played by: Jeff Anderson

Movie: Clerks/Clerks II

Watching Clerks when I was about twelve or thirteen was a revelation. Here was this obscure, black and white, tiny little oddity of a movie with a foul, foul mouth. I remember falling in love immediately – I’d never seen anything like it at that point, and would pass out the TV-recorded VHS to friends to let them in on the secret.

And there, at the centre of it all, was Jeff Anderson’s Randall, a slacker hero for the masses. Ruling his tiny kingdom of the Quick Stop and RST Video with a razor sharp tongue, saying what he liked, when he liked, he was everything my formative teenage self wanted to be

Ten years later, things hadn’t changed, when Clerks 2 came along and gave me one of the best film-watching experiences of recent years. There was Randall just as he always been, and this time around I saw the tragedy and pathos in the character alongside the same sarcasm and wit.

Here’s hoping we’ll see Randall again in another ten years.

So, two more to go...

Retro Reviews - MUTANT CHRONICLES/DEATH RACE

2009-04-14T16:44:00.009+01:00

A double dose of genre fluff - sci-fi shlock and 80s action thrills of varying degrees of quality...

MUTANT CHRONICLES

Synopsis: In our distant past, a seeding-machine from an alien world falls to Earth and starts transforming humans into rampaging mutants. The forces stopped, the machine is buried. In our distant future, war unleashes the machine again. Now a band of ragtag soldiers go on a suicide mission to shut the machine down once and for all.

Review: A blend of steam-punk, sci-fi serial and war movie, Mutant Chronicles is never quite more than the sum of its parts. Shot mostly on green-screen, the effects range from decent to laughably bad, and the look of the film is somewhere between videogames Resistance: Fall of Man and Gears Of War with a plot ripped from both.

And much of it is nonsense - from an overly serious corporations-at-war subplot, to unexplained guff about the machine itself and lots of hokey prophesizing. The climax takes place inside the machine, a steam-powered laboratory of conveyor belts and rotating platforms that wouldn't look out of place in Attack Of The Clones and is just as unwelcome. The Galaxy Quest joke of "What rational explanataion would anybody have to build a place like this" stands firm. The machine's interior is a MacGuffin resolution assault course with our merry band dodging colums of fire and alien tweezers.

There's quite a bit here to like. It hits all the predictable beats competently enough to remain entertaining (but anybody looking for anything remotly new need not apply). The steam punk aesthetic is great, the designs of ships and tanks etc. A few characters leave an impression, patricularly Devon Aoki's pixie-like war machine and Anna Walton's sword-weilding assassin under oath of silence. Ron Perlman does some great work despite a ropy accent that, after much thought, I think might be Irish. Thomas Jane is always worth a watch, and he plays the lone baddass hero with the right amount of gruff, devil-may care attitude and pathos. But Shakespeare, this ain't.

Note: I'm not sure about the status of release of this in the USA. It seems it's still to arrive, whereas in the UK it's been out on DVD for weeks.

* * - 2 Stars

DEATH RACE

Synopsis: In the near future, the US economy has collapsed (snigger), unemployment is at an all time high, prisons are full. Yadda yadda yadda. To keep people entertained, Terminal Prison holds The Dead Race, a to-the-death car race complete with souped up cars with weapons and shields, televised to millions. Ex racer Jensen Ames (Jason Statham) is sent to jail and forced to take part.

Review: And if you can't figure out every damn plot twist from that above synopsis (was he framed? will he win? SPOILER ALERT...umm yes)

But if you're watching Death Race, you're not watching it for the plot, the performances or the social satire (which was far fresher when The Running Man did it twenty years ago). You're watching it to see a) fast muscle cars blowing each other up and b) Jason Statham ripped beyond belief, twatting other ripped guys.

I love action films and always judge them on their own terms, and looking at the above criteria, Death Race is an unmitigated success. Why waste time on anything else?

The three race sequences are well executed, and most importantly, pretty much real the whole time. Real car stunts, which are always far more impressive than CGI ones. Flame throwers, oil slicks, machine guns, all done for real, with cars flipping and rolling left, right and centre. The second race, involving the Dreadnought (a revelation so predictable I actually called out its name before they did on screen) , features a spectacular big-truck stunt to rival The Dark Knight.

There's little to challenge here. The majority of characters are named after their role in the script. Seriously. The guy who makes the guns for the cars? Gunner. The guy who does all the tech work, based on abdunant lists? Lists. The guy who coaches Statham? Coach. Seriously. And the absurd gag of bussing in female support drivers just go give the in-film audience something to ogle at becomes it's own, transcending punchline.

And Statham is as good as he ever is, the current generation's action hero. Lean, mean and more than able to take down all comers. He's the only one out there at the moment still making this kind of brainless action fare...well, the only one who isn't also collecting a pension. Here's looking at you, Seagal.

Others plusses: a black sense of humour, largely involving cars, drivers and innocent bystanders being dutifully pulped in a variety of creative ways, and the whole thing wrapped up in a professional action movie sheen; a neat touch with weapons/shields being activated by pressure pads (this is a video game made flesh); nice, old fashioned 80s action movie thrills. And Joan Allen as the queen-bitch warden...is it wrong that I was so attracted to her?

You should know immediately from the poster, trailer or plot description if this is a film you're going to enjoy. It exists to be nothing more than escapist, explosive fun. To quote an old UK varnish-company ad slogan...it does exactly what it says on the tin.

* * * * - 4 Stars

Favourite Characters - Part 2

2009-04-13T23:57:00.009+01:00

Day two of the 10 favourite characters 'net meme (thanks to Trista at 10 Movies To See), and let's got on with it sharp as ya like...

7 - CHERRY DARLING
Played by: Rose McGowan
Movie: Planet Terror

It’s not right that there be no women on this list, and picking one was a chore. Sarah Connor? Ellen Ripley? Other female characters Jim Cameron wrote? Then I came to Planet Terror on my DVD shelves. Rose McGowan’s character is a go-go-dancer turned failed stand up comedian turned avenging angel of death with a high powered machine gun grafted to her leg. It’s grindhouse shlock at it’s very finest, but Cherry embodies something I’ve always had a bit of a love for – and that’s sexy girls who kick ass. Being a fan of comic books hasn’t helped – just ask my girlfriend of my love for Emma Frost. But Cherry Darling is the nest best thing.

Honourable Mentions:
Rose McGowan: Ya know, never really rated her before this, and I avoided Charmed like the plague. But hey, she was pretty good in Scream. Before the catflap incident.
Planet Terror: Freddy Rodriguez. Like him a lot.

6 - PETER VENKMAN
Played by: Bill Murray
Movie: Ghostbusters/Ghostbusters 2

Psychologist, professor with used car salesman patter and game-show host charm, Venkman rules. From his introductory sequence where ethics go out the window when there's a pretty girl around, to his constant sly tongue and general crumpled appearance, he's the Ghostbuster I always used to be when we played (well, that's cooler than saying I used to be Egon all the time).

Total disregard for authority ("Yes it's true. This man has no dick."), yet with unbridled professionalism, "Are you, Alice, currently menstruating?", Venkman is at the top of his field.

Hopefully the in-very-early-preproduction Ghostbusters 3 will retain all the magic of the first two, and Murray will finally embrace the idea that not every film you do in your advancing years should be an Oscar grab.

Honourable Mentions:

Bill Murray: Phil Connors - Groundhog Day

Ghostbusters: Every other character gets a chance to shine, put praise should be given to Rick Moranis' Louis Tully. "Somebody let me iiiiiiiin!" Also, Peter McNicol's Yanosh Pohah in GB 2. "He is Vigo! You are like te buzzing of flies to him!"

5 - SNAKE PLISSKEN

Played By: Kurt Russell

Movie: Escape From New York / Escape From LA

Had to be, right? Anybody familiar with my profile picture should have seen this one coming. The quintessential movie antihero baddass - it just doesn't get better than Plissken. A man of very few words and fewer scruples, he's forced to go rescue the President when all he wants is to be left alone. Eyepatch, guns, the tattoo - he does it all with so much damn cool, defined by a moment in the inferior sequel: faced with a small mob of gun-toting heavies, he picks up a tin can and offers a challenge.

“How about a little Bangkok rules? Nobody draws until this hits the ground.”

He throws a can, and in his opponents dutifully wait for it to fall. Snake pulls out his guns and shoots them down. The can rattles to the floor.

“Draw.”

It doesn't get any cooler than that.

Honourable Mentions:

Kurt Russell: RJ McCready, The Thing; Jack Burton, Big Trouble In Little China.

So, that's part 2. Part 1 available here. Come back tomorrow for part 3, for the next two characters - an inmate, and a loudmouth.

Star Trek Clips

2009-04-13T10:45:00.003+01:00

Each new clip I see of JJ Abrams Star Trek fills me with more confidence. The three clips below give a look at how the new actors are tackling the roles - they've all nailed the essence of the characters, particularly, and most surprisingly, Karl Urban's Leonard McCoy. Also, a new TV spot for your viewing pleasure (though I do not like the 'This is not your daddy's Star Trek' tagline - that's probably the most annoying phrase in the modern lexicon).

The Clips...

Favourite Characters - Part 1

2009-04-12T17:00:00.012+01:00

Trista over at the brilliant 10 Movies To See has been posting an ongoing list of her favourite characters in movies over the past week, having been tagged from another blogger...and now the tricksy devil has tagged and charged me to do so the same. From her post:

“What are your favorite 10 characters in film?”

Name 10 film characters that are your favorite and explain why. We aren’t talking about the actor who played them. Hamlet, Sherlock Holmes, or Bond may be your favorite filmic sight on screen but you may hate the Mel Gibsons, Basil Rathbones, or George Lazenbys who’ve played them. Of course, no one’s stopping you from mentioning your favorite players if you like.

So...hopefully I'll be able to keep it down to ten. But maybe not. We'll see. I will include an honourable mentions section for each entry, detailing other favourite characters either a) from the same movie or b) played by the same actor. Because talent often knows no bounds, some films contain more than one gem of a character, and because I'm generous like that.

Without further ado...and in some sort of descending order, here we go. Number 10...

10 - BILL LUMBERGH
Played by: Gary Cole

Movie: Office Space

The passive-aggressive, micro-managing boss of from hell, always with an 'm'kay' at the end of every sentence and a coffee mug in hand. There are few characters as instantly dislikable as this smug git, and that's all the more reason to love him. You'll revel in his every 'mmm, yeah' and 'whaaat's happening' and giggle will glee as he complains about TPS reports with a distinct lack of cover sheets.

Chances are you've encountered people in whatever jobs you may have done who are exactly like him. World's full of them - and kudos to Gary Cole for nailing one so well.

Honourable mentions:

Office Space: Milton, the rodent-like, babbling arsonist who just wanted his stapler back.

Gary Cole: Reece Bobby, the peyote-smoking redneck father of Will Ferrell in Talladega Nights.

9 - BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN

Played by: Christian Bale
Movie: Batman Begins/The Dark Knight

This is a guy I've loved for as long as I remember - first of all because, when you're six, a guy dressed up as a bat that fights crime with gadgets is the coolest thing ever. Well, it's still the coolest thing ever, and I'm 26 now. But I've always loved Batman. Just the concept of a guy who underwent great tragedy and used that to wage war on criminality - that really interests me. So through years of comics, the cartoon series, the Adam West show, the Tim Burton movies, the Joel Schumacher era (well, not so much those two), I've followed Batman with a passion.

Then along came Christopher Nolan and gave us the Batman we all deserved, and Christian Bale brought Bruce Wayne to life once and for all. All aspects of his character - the troubled victim, the playboy charade, and the Batman. He's my favourite comic book character - he's darker and tougher than Superman. He's smarter than all the X-Men combined.

For me, the Nolan/Bale version is the ultimate depiction of the character.

Honourable mentions:
Batman: Gotta be The Joker, but credit should be given to Jim Gordon, Alfred and Harvey Dent.

Christian Bale: Alfred Borden - The Prestige. Patrick Bateman - American Psycho. Trevor Reznick - The Machinist.

8 - MALCOLM REYNOLDS / HOBAN 'WASH' WASHBURNE

Played by: Nathan Fillion / Alan Tudyk

Movie: Serenity / Firefly (TV)

A tough decision to chose just one so I’m bending the rules here – but they’ve already been bent since these characters were already fully fleshed out in the Firefly TV series. But it was the film that brought them to the masses. Well, a few more than saw the TV show anyway.

Reynolds is somewhere between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, and Nathan Fillion is more than a match for Harrison Ford’s talents. He should be a huge star and hopefully one of these days the mainstream will realise it. Character wise, he's a war-veteran just trying to make his way in a cruel Universe, leading a ragtag crew of pirates to any job that pays - but he lives by a code, proving that their can be honour among thieves.

And Wash is... Well, Wash is one of those characters that, when I first saw him, back in the Firefly pilot, sitting in a Hawaiin shirt playing with dinosaurs and doing the voices...I saw myself. The smart-mouth, the nervous, geeky energy, not the toughest of guys but with a big heart.

At least that's who I hope I am.

Seeing him get the sharp end of a Reaver harpoon in Serenity was truly heartwrenching. For him and me.

Honourable Mentions:

Serenity: Everyone's favourite mechanic, Kaylee Frye; or the cold blooded, logical Operative.

Fillion: Gun toting sheriff Bill Pardy in Slither.

Tudyk: Redheaded numbskull Wat in A Knight's Tale.

So, that's part one. Come back tomorrow for part 2, with two guys and a girl...

Trailer - MOON

2009-04-10T12:46:00.002+01:00

The trailer for sci-fi mystery MOON has gone online and it looks to be something special. Sam Rockwell can do no wrong, and a smiley-face computer voiced by Kevin Spacey just makes me smile.

Review - THE BOAT THAT ROCKED

2009-04-09T09:20:00.005+01:00

Synopsis: It's 1966 and anchored in the North Sea is Radio Rock, the biggest pirate radio station in the land, broadcasting rock and roll 24 hours a day. Of course, the government isn't too happy about that, and vows to shut it down.

Review: Richard Curtis, a man who's output is somewhat of a national holiday here in Blighty, turns his attention to pirate radio in a satisfying, curate's egg of a movie that you'll probably love or hate, with little middle ground. Indeed, the showing I sat through saw two women leave together, one of which announced, very loudly, "This is shite!" as she went. She, I dare to say, is a pleb and an idiot. Or maybe she just doesn't like meandering, plotless flicks.

At times the film doesn't feel like a film. It's very episodic at times, the whole story told over the span of months, maybe a year, with unspecified jumps forward once a little vignette is completed. They do, however, all have relevance later on, and though the film is largely plotless, it's a nice collection of character pieces. But then, it sticks very closely to a formula you entirely expect - when the radio station is told, by law, to close., is anybody reallt expecting them to go without a fight? Of course not! And the typical St Crispin's day speech as as tried and tested as ever...but I'm always a sucker for that speech.

Some moments stand out, and more often than not it's the quiet ones - Philip Seymour Hoffman and Rhys Ifans' escalating game of chicken; a stag-night montage detailing the increasing pissed-ness of all those taking part; Hoffman's on-deck musings that 'These are the best days of our lives.' But my favourite sequence of the flick - and actually, one of my favourite sequences of the last god-knows how man years, is the film's quietest. Having found out his potential shag-partner and 'future wife' (ah, we're all that naive and verbose when we're young) has just bonked a fellow shipmate, the youngest character sits, dejected, only to be comforted by two crewmate through the medium of chocolate biscuits, tea, and a big hug. Dialogueless and totally earnest, it's the most honest display of teenage hormones, failure, broken heartedness and recovery I've ever seen on film, without a single word uttered and many bourbons munched.

The cast is uniformly excellent and clearly having great fun. Standing out are Rhys Ifans, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Bill Nighy, but it's the able supporting roles that have the most impact. Chris O'Dowd (from the modern classic Britcom The IT Crowd) as a loveable, unlucky in love sap, Rhys Darby as a DJ who just has a way of grinding on everybody.

It's less of a film, more of a tone poem or a thematic excercise, a celebration of music, rebellion and freedom. In the same with that Love Actually is a film about romance, love and all it's forms, this is a film very much wearing it's heart on its sleeve. We were born to dream dreams and put those dreams into whatever form our feeble minds know how. In this case, it's beautiful music, and the 60s soundtrack just goes to show they don't make 'em like they used to.

Don't look for plot, or conventional thrills. Just expcet to spend a warm two hours with a ragtag bunch of human beings who love to rock.

* * * * - 4 Stars

Retro Review - WAR INC

2009-04-08T08:40:00.002+01:00

Been a while since I've made a post. Been a while since I've watched anything new, in fact, and sometimes real life just gets in the way of things. Now, if we must, on to War Inc.

Grosse Pointe Blank is pretty much my favourite film, and I've been awaiting this, an unofficial spiritual sibling, for some time. Many of the same cast, John Cusack as a hitman, dark and twisted and sense of humour. What's not to like?

Well, much of it. With OTT socio-political satire, fairly terrible performances and a naff script, this comes across like the contents of Michael Moore, Mike Judge and the South Park boys trash bins rifled through and plastered together with little care or attention. The occasional solid joke (corporate branding and sponsorship of war, big brother-esque advertising conducted by pop culture figures, landmine victims turned into can-can dancers by American weapons technology) is lost in a mire of terrible ones. The plot, what little of one exists, is trite, half-assed and predictable. So, Cusack's character's wife was killed and his daughter stolen from him years ago. I wonder if his daughter may turn out to be one of the other characters... The whole thing collapses into a James Bond style evil villain plot and nobody really comes across well.

So, is it a worthy succesor to Grosse Pointe Blank? Not a chance - but it tries so hard to be. One scene sees Cusack take on a room full of guys in a well-choreographed martial arts fight, scored to a piece of music you wouldn't usually expect. It's Martin Blank Vs Felix LaPoubelle in the school hallway... but not as good.

I get what they're trying to do. They just don't do it very well.

* - 1 Star

Chuckles - Gervais & Elmo

2009-03-14T07:03:00.002Z

Some things just make you smile. Since it's been a slow news week (in as much as that I've been quite ill so few things I've read have sunk in to my flu-riddled brain yet) this is the thing that's made the most impact.

Drag Me To Hell - or Straight to DVD

2009-03-12T07:30:00.001Z

Gotta say, Sam Raimi's return to the horror genre doesn't look all that hot - it's got low budget bargain-bin written all over it.

UP Trailer

2009-03-10T09:56:00.001Z

Pixar look set to continute their track record of making awesome flicks, cemented with just one word:

SQUIRREL!

Review - WATCHMEN

2009-03-08T13:59:00.011Z

So, it's finally here. After years in development hell, Zack Snyder finally delivers his take on Alan Moore's seminal graphic novel.

It's taken me two whole days to digest this movie, and I'm still wrestling with it. All I really know is this.

I love it.

Yet this is one that's going to plague me for a dozen repeat viewings - because I'm still trying to work out why I love it.

Calling it 'the Citizen Kane of superhero films' is a little rich. About halfway through I turned to a friend whom I watched it with and said 'This is the There Will Be Blood of superhero films.' Actually, I said 'This is There Will Be Blood with blue willies' but you get the point. The film's pace is one entirely of its own and I can fully see the criticism of it's too long, it's slow, it's episodic. It is all of those things, yes, but I never felt any of those were negatives. The traditional three act structure is negligable, too - the film feels very much like consuming the graphic novel in a single sitting.

High points? Where to begin. Well - at the beginning, with the astounding titles sequence set to Bob Dylan's The Times They Are A Changin' - a six minute sequence of real-life comic book tableau's and vignettes detailing the history of this alternate world that deftly sets up tone and character clues. Indeed, the music choices throughout give texture to the world and often combine to leave lasting impressions - Simon and Garfunkel's Sound Of Silence played over The Comedian's rainsoaked funeral; Philip Glass' Pruit Igoe & Prophecies scoring the flawless sequence detailing Doctor Manhattan's perception of time and exhile on Mars; Hendrix' All Along The Watchtower mirroring it's use in the book as Nite Owl and Roarscach pay the final visit to Antarctica.

Performances are uniformly excellent, subtle and nuanced in all the right places. Patrick Wilson's plays Nite Owl as the aging boyscout who always genuinely wanted to be a superhero and had it taken away from him. Malin Ackerman's Silk Spectre is a girl who never grew up, a surprising and believable take on the character. Billy Crudup's Dr Manhattan is austere, serene and stilted, having pretty much given up on the need for human communication, reflected in his voice and movements. Only Matthew Goode's Ozymandias doesn't quite hold up - he's a little too effete and distant at times, but he brings it when he has to.

The standouts are Jackie Earle Haley's Roarshach and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian. The film's darker characters, both are sociopaths of a different breed. Roarschach is the son of a prostitute, led down dark paths during his life and finally forged during a missing-child investigation, an event that flips a switch in his mind and sets his moral compass to black and white, pure and simple. Evil is evil, crime is crime, and all must be punished - one broken finger and meat-cleaved head at a time. Haley makes the character utterly convincing and terrifying, and you're constantly left in the uncomfortable state of having to decide whether he's right or wrong. Much of the film is spent with him masked, but once it comes off in prison and you finally get a look in those eyes, no matter how brief, Haley sells every moment. Morgan, likewise, brings an odd humanity to a murdering rapist, particularly in the scene where he spills his heart out to a former enemy.

Changes? Yes, there are some, but none that I feel detract from the experience. In fact, and this sentiment was mirrored by several of those I saw the film with, the new ending to the film feels like an improvement over the book. It makes greater thematic sense, gives more character resolution and dammit, the squid was just plain daft. The outcome isn't different, but the means are.

Problems? The only thing that bugged me was the unnecessarily cheesy sex scene, which caused more titters than tittilation amongst the audience. Scored to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, it's a late-night soft core rub fest that I can see the intention of - to show the fetishistic nature of dressing up in latex, while offering a potent payoff for a character - but it didn't need as much bare-ass thrusting.

The other 'problem' with the film is that it's so staggeringly uncommercial that I would be totally unsurprised if this flopped. Non-fans of the book are going to have a difficult time absorbing so much information because it doesn't offer the standard tropes of the genre - there are very few action sequences, the heroes are flawed, the moral outcome foggy and ambivalent. The film, much like the graphic novel, offers up the story and says 'That's it. Now deal with it.'

And that's where I am now. Dealing with it. I've never had a film experience quite like this - and I know this will be a film I treasure each repeat viewing of, dissecting it and deciding what each scene means. It feels like a multi-layered complex experiment, and I love it all the more for it. Chances are I'll back with a new review every time I see it.

* * * * * - 5 Stars

Watchmen - You Know, For Kids

2009-03-06T12:45:00.005Z

Seeing Watchmen tonight - very excited. Over at Funny Or Die some creative genius has put together the following video. Imagine Watchmen as an 80s Saturday morning cartoon.

Watchmen Saturday Morning Cartoon - watch more funny videos

Star Trek Trailer

2009-03-06T08:47:00.002Z

Be still my geeking heart. The new trailer for JJ Abrams Star Trek reboot is here, and it redefines the word 'epic'. Yup, much of it is down to editing and a full blown choir on the soundtrack, but there are plenty of grand scale visuals and hero moments to complete the effect.

Star Trek has needed something like this for a long time, a shot of adrenaline in the arm of a stagnating franshise. I'm still open minded and a little wary, but this trailer at least guarantees the newest installment is going to be a thrill ride that the last few movies and series just haven't been able to provide.

Megan Fox - Pretty Vacant

2009-03-04T12:14:00.005Z

Megan Fox there. Ain't she pretty?

Yeah. And that's about as far as it goes. So, she's just been cast in two new flicks based on comic books - Jonah Hex and Fathom. I'm not familiar enough with those properties to give much of a hell whether or not that's good casting for whichever character she's playing.

But I do know...she's a dreadful actress. Just plain awful.

Yeah, Transformers doesn't require a whole lot of range, but she just didn't try. Hired purely because she has a nice arse and it looks good in slow-mo (hell, as a hot blooded male I can see the appeal) but whenever a line of dialogue comes anywhere near her she grimaces, purses her lips, chews on it a while before staring blankly into the middle distance and thrusting out her t*ts. Casting agents just aren't trying anymore - they've fed this bimbo's ego enough to convince her she's good with the acting.

Maybe it's just a slow news day and I'm bored. I just don't like Megan Fox. There are plenty of other actresses out there with just as much sex appeal who also have a bit of talent to them. Amy Adams anyone? Zooey Deschanel?

Terminator Salvation Trailer

2009-03-04T11:36:00.002Z

Serious post apocalyptic eye candy and a surprising amount of class, this trailert certainly impresses. As a huge fan of the Terminator mythos, I'm ready to lap this up.

Some things just make me go 'Cool!'. That shot of the Terminator cycle sliding under that rolling car is one of those things.

Review - PUSH

2009-02-25T20:26:00.006Z

Synopsis: In a world where some individuals have supernatural abilities (telekinesis, psychic manipulation, clairvoyance), a down-and-out slacker type is gets involved in a government conspiracy, runs around Hong Kong and has a few good old fashioned comic book rucks.

Review: A taut, stylish bit of genre fluff done on a minimal budget and spending every penny wisely. Early fears that it'd be this year's Jumper, a forgettably bland sci-fi actioner, are swiftly set aside with sleek if simplistic plotting, a punchy visual style and a throughly likeable lead, Fantastic Four's criminally underrated Chris Evans, balancing just the right amount of misanthropic cool and put-upon chosen-one day-saver.

Support from Djimon Honsou and Dakota Fanning keeps things moving nicely, but it's the lesser knowns that give the film its flavour, from Cliff Curtis' cool-as-ice conman with the ability to shapeshift objects to the assorted mutants kicking and, quite literally screaming their way to a ballsy action finale ina crumbling skyscraper. The few action scenes are indeed very well shot and each broken bone is felt - in fact, these are the showdowns we never quite got in The X-Men, and Heroes should be taking lessons in order to get its cool back.

A bit of eye-rolling can be directed at its intentions for a franchise right off the bat - never, ever assume you're going to be popularenough to warrant a second sitting. As it is, it's an interesting enough world with a colourful enough ensemble that a sequel will be welcome rather than feared.

* * * * - 4 STARS

Lt Hawk...Captain America!?

2009-02-23T11:38:00.006Z

I'm not going to post an Oscar story - you can get the results an a m illion other places. I'll just say briefly - Congrats to Slumdog and Heath, Rourke, The Wrestler and In Bruges were robbed, and go Wall-E! That is all.

Onto a very interesting rumour - there's some speculation that Neal McDonough is attached to the role of Captain America. Well...no. When asked about characters he'd like to play, McDonough mentioned Captain America...then got a bit elusive when asked if that was a genuine possibility. Early casting, perhaps? In talks?

The coming days will tell - since they're intending Captain America for a 2011 release, so they should be gearing up fairly soon. As for the choice of McDonough... I've beena fan since Star Trek First Contact, and it's a pretty good choice. Maybe some training to bulk up the physicality, but he's certainly got the talent and the emotional chops to pull it off. And he's a far better choice than some of the other rumoured names...namely, Mr Pitt.

Funny People Trailer

2009-02-21T10:29:00.003Z

A few days ago, I posted a review for Punch Drunk Love, which I finally caught up with, and mentioned that Adam Sandler should be doing more serious stuff. A scant few days later, up pops the trailer for Judd Apatow's third flick, Funny People, and it looks like Sandler's getting his teeth stuck into a decent role that isn't a characature of a person.

I'm a big fan of Team Apatow - I think they make honest, warmhearted believable comedies, and Apatow's two previous directorial efforts rank in my favourite comedies. Gentle movies with great performances, maybe a little too long, but with characters all likeable enough you don't mind spending time with them. This one looks to have a lot more scope for drama in it too, which should be an interesting watch...

Though from a trailer standpoint, 3:30 is loooooong. Too long. They don't want to go giving away too much.

Horror: Rest In Pieces

2009-02-20T08:39:00.011Z

Over at 10 Movies To See Before You Die, Trista DeVries has posted a list of Horror 101 titles - essential entries to the horror genre.

This stirred up one of my inner passions - I love the horror genre. Have since I was a kid and I stumbled upon Nightmare On Elm Street Part 4 on TV late one night. Yep, Part 4. Yep, my wiser, older eyes sees now that it's a heap of crap. But back then, at 7 or 8 years old, I was terrified - and hooked.

And so, 18 years later, when I see a genre I love so much in such a state of confusion, a mire of repetitive rubbish aimed at the lowest common denominator, it enrages me. In the past year alone...

* I've watched iconic, untouchable classics stripped of all their glory and remade as grimy, pointless teen-friendly fare with about as much psychological depth as en episode of Frasier - Rob Zombie's Halloween. Michael Myers came full circle and put the final nail in his own coffin.

* I've watched self-reflexivity and supposed genre awareness spawn risible, intelligence-insulting drivel -Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon. This was doing alright until a woeful third act shift into a traditional narrative.

* I've seen genre masters take massive steps backward to make films aiming for satire and social commentary come across like amateurish, film student affairs - Diary Of The Dead, deftly mirroring its own plot. Romero should know better.

* I've watched my favourite book go from a taut, psychological character study into a meandering, emasculated version of itself, reliant on visual effects and explosions rather than atmosphere and tension - I Am Legend. Shame on the lot of you.

Horror is in a bad way. I'd be hard pressed to name ten truly memorable additions to the genre since the year 2000. The Descent. 28 Days Later (go Britain!). Pan's Labyrinth. REC. The Orphanage. (go Spain!) The Mist.

That's a pretty meagre list. Of course, there are other films that came out that are certainly good, but few match the caliber of those above - and so few of them are straight up horror films (even a few of the above combine various other genre elements.) Shaun Of The Dead, Dog Soldiers, Severance (again, the British prove we can run with the big dogs) are great, but they're all run through with comedy (and of course we can't forget that Brit horror has turned out such recent fiascoes as Deathwatch and Spirit Trap.) Slither, Planet Terror and Bubba Ho-Tep? Fantastic - but again the funny bone's aimed for with equal fervour.

Saw was original and tense enough to warrant a mention, but a string of quality-losing sequels tarnishes its reputation somewhat. Hostel 1 & 2... Well, I like these - I think they're far more intelligent than they're given credit for. The sequel in particular - a horror film that mocks its audience and shows them the twisted nature of wanting to see people tortured for entertainment, is quite daring. But that's also it's downfall - don't intentionally try to alienate your audience.

But aside from that - it's all dross aimed at teenagers and morons:

* We're getting bad remakes of classics (Halloween, The Hitcher, A Nightmare On Elm Street) , or we're getting worse remakes of stuff that wasn't even that good in the first place. If I hear one more fifteen year old say, "You have to go see My Bloody Valentine 3D, it's soooooo scary!" I may be unable to resist the urge to do damage.

* We're getting naff remakes (sometimes shot for shot, in the case of Quarantine) of foreign stuff for dumb audiences who can't be arsed to read! If you're that dumb or lazy, they're catering for you in the next screen. Grab your 3D glasses, quick!

* We're getting endless, unnecessary sequels to franchises that lost their sheen a long time ago that are designed to make money, pure and simple. "Oooh, did you see Saw V? That cop who was in the first one for thirty seconds finds out this is wife's really working with the killer and blah blah blah..." When Donnie Whalberg's the biggest star in your franchise...worry!

The horror genre's in danger of becoming a joke. Sure, the fantastic films I've mentioned so far are just that - fantastic, and I'm not going to get precious enough to hold them dear and turn my back on the rest of the poorer stuff. What's that old phrase? You're always harder on the ones you love...

It's become an over reliance on gore, shock tactics and money making. Get asses in the seats. Pull a few cheap tricks and crack a few genre jokes that'll please the die hard fans. Get a screaming teenager star and spatter her with mud, blood and God knows what else (sure, it's a genre staple, sure, but I bet you the girl that drinks, smokes and f*cks would have a much better chance of surviving a slasher than the whimpering virgin). Do you really think I care about a bunch of teenagers getting done in? Kill 'em! Line them up, I'll stand alongside Jason Voohrees and help!

No. It needs to stop. Here's an idea:

Have an idea. Tell a story. Make us care about the characters, then put them through hell. Have a point - and if you can't have a point, have a go at doing something different. Don't give me Prom Night and expect me to sit still and shut up when The Mist is on release and proving that it can be done.

I know asking for artistic integrity in such a 'dirty' genre may sound a little rich, but do you think the classics are classics because they were just made for the cash?

Retro Review - BURN AFTER READING

2009-02-19T08:32:00.009Z

Synopsis: A disgruntled intelligence employee, his cheating wife, her bungling lover and a pair of gym workers become involved in a conspiracy involving stolen data, blackmail and betrayals.

Review: I love me a bit Coen Brothers. The Big Lebowski is in my top five favourite films ever. I love Fargo, No Country For Old Men, Miller's Crossing, Oh Brother Where Art Thou? and Barton Fink. I quite enjoyed The Hudsucker Proxy and Raising Arizona. I still find it very difficult to like Blood Simple.

Burn After Reading is kind of like Blood Simple meets Fargo, at least in terms of style and content, and despite the characters in this being generally selfish and unlikeable people, they're nowhere near as repugnant as those in Blood Simple, and certainly not as bad as others in the 'Nasty people doing nasty things to eachother' subgenre. I'm looking at you, Big Nothing.

A satire of political spy thrillers with jabs at internet dating, fitness and body fascism, the American intelligence system and its unintelligent populace, this is one of those films you can feel is going to get better and better with every viewing, much like Lebowski. First time round it's a deftly plotted yet surprisingly plotless farce, with a bunch of idiots doing stupid things just because they can and complicating a simple case of lost data. Comic interludes with bewildered CIA members tracking the debacle and unable to make any sense of it give the film it's true message, proudly spouted in the film's tagline. Intelligence is Relative.

The performances are unanimously fantastic throughout; Brad Pitt as the dimwitted gym worker; Frances McDormand as the body conscious, unlucky-in-love sap; George Clooney as the sexual deviant, flooring obsessed federal marshall (one of the film's biggest laughs comes upon the reveal of just what he's been building in his basement...); John Malkovich as the angry, vengeful and swearing sacked operative; Richard Jenkins as the gym owner with a heart for McDormand's character (the film's only real sympathetic character); and of course, the ever-brilliant Tilda Swinton as Malkovich's stuck up, adulterous wife.

It's a joy to look at, with some great visual quirks - McDormand's character walks an avenue of potential internet dates with the Washington Monument thrust towards the sky behind her. Coming off No Country For Old Men, people were disappointed. But how do you really follow up on Oscar win with a bleak critique of the old American way? You lampoon the new one.

* * * * - 4 Stars

Battle For Terra Trailer

2009-02-19T08:23:00.003Z

I hadn't even heard of this one until about 3 minutes ago - and the trailer's very much piqued my interest. It looks to be quite a dark and satirical story - a human invasion of an alien world for essential natural resources. No prizes for guessing that the Bush administration is going to be getting a far bigger kicking now that it's over, but to see it happen in a kids film is impressive.

So its the war in Iraq meets Titan AE meets Enemy Mine.

Plus, just check out the cast - Brian Cox, Dennis Quaid, Owen Wilson, Justin Long, James Garner, David Cross, Evan Rachel Wood and Amanda Peet. That's many degrees of quality, right there.

And in 3D too - I'm interested to see how 3D evolves this year in time for Avatar...

Wolverine Extened TV Spots

2009-02-18T13:18:00.006Z

So, what have we learned?

We're doing the 'Origin' storyline (for the most part - sans Rose). Wolverine and Sabretooth may or may not be brothers (I'm reading 'brothers' in the non fraternal sense here). Cyclops definitely has a cameo. Emma Frost's screentime is probably about as long as it is in that clip. Ryan Reynolds looks bad-ass with two swords.

Okay, we probably already knew most of that. I'm a huge fan of The X-Men since childhood. I still collect the comics. I think what Bryan Singer did with the first two X-Men films was superb.

Then X3 happened. Less said about that, the better.

This certainly looks impressive, but I've been burned before. I'm treating this one with both an open mind a cautious eye.

Lesbian Vampire Killers Trailer

2009-02-17T08:50:00.002Z

Could it be the greatest film title ever? Possibly.

Does it look any good? Absolutely.

A Shaun Of The Dead-eqsue britcom with the lads from Gavin & Stacey, one of the UK's funnier sitcoms in recent years. It's got the same laddish charm as SOTD and Dog Soldiers. Oh, there's life in Brit-Horror yet!

And the line, "He's gonna get me bummed by a big gay werewolf next..." had me giggling like the immature idiot I am.

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen Teaser Trailer

2009-02-17T08:06:00.004Z

Call me what you will, I dug the hell out of the first Transformers. It's Michael Bay doing what he does best - blowing shit up real good, and this time doing it with giant robots kicking seven shades of crap out of each other. That appeals to the wide-eyed little boy in me - who seems to take the reigns more often than he should.

The sequel looks to be more of the same. But bigger. Much, much bigger. Look out for first on-screen peeks at Arcee and The Fallen - the movie's God-like big-bad.

Retro Review - DEFINITELY, MAYBE

2009-02-15T11:21:00.009Z

Snyopsis: Dad Ryan Reynolds recounts a complicated tale of three lost loves to his daughter as she tries to work out which one of them is the woman of his dreams.

Review: A decent romantic drama that just about manages to avoid the mawkish pitfalls of the genre thanks to smart writing and a great cast. I'm always bias towards Ryan Rynolds, having been a fan ever since 2 Guys & A Girl, and he proves here that he's more than capable of charm and pathos. Little Abigail Breslin shines as the daughter, exposing Dakota Fanning as the slightly creepy devil child she is. And then there's Isla Fisher, who I'm not ashamed to say might be the cutest, most attractive actress working today. She's also pretty damn talented, too. Her relationship with the lead is the most honest and believable of the bunch.

A couple of nice historical touches add a sparkle to the proceedings - much of the film is set during the mid 90s, so we're treated to giant mobile phones, a Clinton electoral race and few jabs at George Bush. A few things don't quite ring true - a long lost copy of Jane Eyre being found in a second hand bookstore / a tacked-on happy ending that really didn't need to be there, but I guess you've got to please the general audience.

All in all, it isn't reinventing the wheel but I found it much less offensive than every other romantic comedy I've ever come across.

* * * - 3 Stars

Retro Review - PUNCH DRUNK LOVE

2009-02-14T07:30:00.007Z

Synopsis: An introverted and volatile salesman finds love with another lost soul, falls victim to a phone-sex line extorsion scam and hatches an ingenious plan involving pudding and air miles.

Review: Another 'quirky' film - a word I've come to dislike because it seems to be synonymous with 'we can throw any old rubbish into this thing and use the quirky defense.' But this one has substance to its quirk - anything that seems a little off kilter or out of place stands as symbolism for something else; the opening sequence involving our 'hero' Barry Egan witnessing a car crash and finding an abandoned harmonium are the film's plot in microcosm - a violent event leads him to discover something beautiful.

Adam Sandler's performance is one I never thought him capable of. Quiet and restrained at times, unsettlingly violent at others. It's Happy Gilmore played straight. The man really should be doing more work like this.

* * * - 3 Stars

Inglorious Basterds Trailer

2009-02-12T07:55:00.004Z

A recent discussion with a movie loving friend of mine settled on the following conclusion... Quentin Tarantino needs a good kicking. Not physically, of course - but he needs a wake up call that shows him he's not all that. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of his films, but the immunity he seems to get bothers me. When other people borrow/steal something, it's theft or plagiarism. When he does it, it's homage.

Ladies and gentlemen, get your ass-kicking boots on. QT's time may have come.

The following trailer is just what we were hoping Inglorious Basterds would be - a laughable, overly-written fan-w*nk, Quentin Tarantino pouring all of his pre adolescent schoolboy notions of how cool war films are onto the screen with poor lighting and laughable casting. It's Eli Roth and BJ Novak, for heaven's sake! The onscreen graphics even emphasize QT's sense of self importance - I'm not that bothered to see war through Tarantino's eyes. Dirty, thinly veiled racism as overly stylized revenge fantasy.

Even Pitt looks a bit embarrased. "I want me my Nazi scalps!"

This is going to take a lot more to get me genuinely interested - right now it's the morbid curiosity and schadenfreude of watching a gobsh*te be exposed.

Kermode On Statham

2009-02-10T13:26:00.003Z

A quick 'follow up' to the previous article, since it's related to Jason Statham - AKA 'The Stath'. British film critic Mark Kermode points out the key to The Stath's appeal...

Perfectly Pitched Movie Marketing - Crank 2

2009-02-10T10:16:00.009Z

As a fan of action cinema there's a glorious simplicity to Crank. Chev Chelios is dying and has to do ridiculous things to his body to stay alive - keep the adrenaline pumping or, on the case of this sequel...electrocute himself to keep his heart pumping. Of course. Happens all the time.

But plot aside, Crank's an action hound's dream - and I think it works because it's incredibly savvy. It knows it's audience and doesn't patronise them. And it's just a lot of fun. Jason Statham's carved out a perfect niche for himself as the true current champion of action cinema, leaving previous contenders like Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson in the dust.

So now, we're getting Crank: High Voltage. The teaser poster was a great bit of movie advertising, managing to capture the spirit of the film without so much as a glimpse of the actor's face. The new poster is not quite as effective - but does slap on a tagline that sums up just how ridiculous the film is. He was dead. But he got better.

In a time where the 'floating heads' poster dominates film marketing and there's a real decline in creativity and quality from the days of Drew Struzan and the late John Alvin, I love seeing posters that manage to slip a bit of creativity in to the mix. While I've got far more iconic posters than these to hang on my walls, it still gives me hope to see that not everybody's happy with mediocre marketing.

Retro Review - VANTAGE POINT

2009-02-10T07:47:00.011Z

Synopsis: An assassination attempt on the President of the USA is viewed from 8 different 'vantage points', each one spilling a little more light on what's actually going down.

Review:

This film plays like an episode of 24 without the split screen or the style. Nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is, the planning process was likely as simple as working out the order of events, then mixing them up and showing them at random, each viewpoint culminating in a cliffhanger meant to leave you desperate for the next clue. Once all of the pieces start falling into place, the films flaws are clear for all to see - expansion and contraction of time make the entire thing fall apart; Forest Whitaker's tourist covers the same distance on foot as a speeding police car, all so they can be in the same place at the same moment to storm into a damp squib of a climax.

A few good points - a breezy runtime and it hits the ground running/a couple of decent performances (though the aforementioned Whitaker seems to be playing his role a little...'special') - can't elevate this beyond the flashy, style over substance gubbins it is. The nearest comparison I can think of is Phone Booth, but that flick was well paced and gripping. Vantage Point is a limp misfire.

* * - 2 Stars

Retro Review - THUMBSUCKER

2009-02-09T18:21:00.008Z

Synopsis: Troubled teen experiments with sex, drugs and...erm, debate as he navigates the trials and tribulations of growing up.

Review:

This is a film I should really be predisposed to dislike. Bland, whining teens wandering through life complaining with minimalistic dialogue about how hard life is without trying to solve their own problems. Thumbsucker's lead is a largely charmless wretch, floating between emotionally troubled parents, a fickle girlfriend, a slightly-too-familiar teacher, and Keanu Reeves as a zen dentist. I assure you, I'm not making that last part up.

Then all the other hallmarks of pretentious, twee indie filmmaking start rearing their heads. 'Stylish' and 'quirky' dream sequences. Cloying soundtrack by The Polyphonic Spree. Underwritten characters who don't 'get' our hero. It's the reason I abandoned Rocket Science fifteen minutes in, consigned to the 'uppity yawnfest' pile.

And all of those criticisms still stand, and firmly so. But for all it's mawkish, 'cool outsider' attitude, it does have some nice writing at times buried in there, more often than not when it doesn't involve the main character whatsoever. Vince Vaughan nails the slightly creepy teacher very well, especially when he's buying beer for his favourite students just to be liked. The stuff between his parents is good, down to earth and honest - and Tilda Swinton steals the film as the real emotional centre of the film. There's no limits to this beautiful lady's talents.

This is more of a surprised reaction, in that I didn't loathe the film. I strongly dislike much of it, but I didn't turn it off, and think there's some genuine quality buried in the mire of middle-of-the-road.

* * - 2 Stars

Retro Review - JARHEAD

2009-02-09T09:14:00.017Z

First off - "Retro Reviews" on this blog will be reviews for films I've just seen for the first time that aren't currently on general release at the cinema. More than likely it'll be something I've bought or rented having missed it first time round. So, onto the review...

Synopsis: Based on his real-life memoirs, ready-for-action marine Anthony Swofford dreams of combat in the Gulf War, but upon arriving in 'the suck' finds the Gulf war is far from the war he was hoping for.

Review: First off, an experience. Through my job, a few years ago I found myself at an army training base with a group of youngsters who were being encouraged to join the army. After a video showing off all the latest hi-tech weaponry the army has at their disposal, they were given a talk, allowed to hold rifles etc and given demonstrations of 'kill techniques'. Throughout the entire demonstration, I was unsettled by the tone of the demo was going. A real "Join the army - you get to kill people" kind of vibe, appealing to the mean streak in every one of these young people. At one point, one of the soldiers said, "We go over there with all this kit, and we sort out the bad guys." Bad guys. They were scaling down years worth of political, historical and social conflict, and hundreds of other factors, to essentially a game of cowboys vs indians. And it was working. The young people were lapping it up, while I sat at the back, horrified by the entire affair.

So - that's what war is, right? Good vs evil? Right vs wrong? Onto Jarhead...

Not a war film, but a film about war, a distinction that it's necessary to make to avoid unnecessary negativity the film seemed to draw upon its initial release. Made with Sam Mendes British outsider eyes, it's a damning indictment of the American military and modern warfare where the real casualties are the soldiers themselves. Stripped of their humanity and formed into wannabe killing machines, they're finally shipped off to a war they don't understand and proceed to sit on their hands for the better part of a year. When their chance to fight comes, most of them are desperate for a kill, an unethical goal that few get to attain, taking what little comfort they can from discharging their weapons into the air in a barely veiled sexual release of testosterone, rage and lead.

'Nothing happens' is a review I've heard levelled at the film, and that's unfair. So there's no grand attack or glorification of war in a protracted action sequence. The film occasionally does feel episodic, but then that helps with the general feeling of boredom the soldiers go through. Where the film succeeds is in the points it makes and character studies. Marines watching Apocalypse Now like it's pornographic, howling at the screen and turning into bloodthirsty murderers in their heads. A contemplative moment in a graveyard of burned vehicles and bodies. A scene with the shameless pillaging of a charred corpse/a talk about the beauty of the job, all conducted before a burning oil field. The shaken Vietnam veteran on the bus who congratulates the boys for a job well done who has nothing to do afterwards but sit, shaken and shell shocked, tormented by his own memories. "All war is different. All war is the same."

And by playing with the audience, in building them up with a desire for the kill the way the main protagonists are, then taking it away at the final moment, the film makes one of its crucial points. The audience is as complicit in wanting to finally see Swofford get to 'pink mist' an enemy soldier, and in having it yanked away it points out the inhumanity of the whole situation. I was struck by that awful guilty feeling of wanting to see the 'bad guy' get done away with and having my own bloodlust pointed out to me.

For the characters, though, it's completely crushing. Jake Gylenhaal shines in his role, giving shades of humanity to a tortured character intent on destruction. With his girlfriend at home likely cheating on him, and no family worth speaking of, he's stuck with little option but to fight and not getting the chance. The scene in which he comes close to meltdown following demotion and holds a fellow marine at gunpoint is chilling and terrifying.

I have never read the book, so I can't comment on "They left this bit out," or whatever. A film version of any book should stand on its own and be judged on its own merits. The merits of this film are many - an intelligent, thought provoking analysis of a phony war through one man's eyes, and as relevant as ever in today's climate.

* * * * - 4 Stars

BAFTA results and Feedback

2009-02-09T08:05:00.002Z

So, this year's BAFTA ceremony has been and gone - I'm not going to retread a full list of the winners, just going to chime in with a few of my thoughts.

Slumdog Millionaire - 7 awards. I'm very pleased for its success, because I do think it's an excellent film. But the fact that it's a British film, at a British awards ceremony? Not to whisper 'fix' or anything... It certainly didn't deserve best cinematography or production design (I haven't seen Benjamin Button yet, but even from the trailer, it's beyond comparison). And best sound design? Considering Wall-E's soundscape was built entirely from scratch? Ben Burtt was robbed.

Best Supporting Actor - Heath Ledger. This was really a foregone conclusion, and not entirely based on his performance (which was admittedly fantastic) - but the obvious sad events swayed this one, just a little. Call me a cynic. That said, Robert Downey Jr's nomination seemed like a bit of a joke, since his character in Tropic Thunder was nothing but a characature, and the same can be said it seems for Brad Pitt in Burn After Reading. Will a posthumous Oscar follow? Probably.

Best Original Screenplay - In Bruges. Few films of last year gave me as much pleasure as In Bruges did, and it was largely down to the script. Sharp, witty, dark, foul mouthed and funny, it's everything a good script should be. If you have yet to see In Bruges, hunt it down immediately. It's like Grosse Pointe Blank, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Father Ted all rolled into one glorious flick. Also check out Six Shooter, Martin McDonagh's short film.

Best Animated Film - Wall-E. Thank heavens.

Rising Star Award - Mickey Smith done good, and I was surprised that this didn't go to Toby Kebbel. I'm also very disappointed that my favourite didn't win - Rebecca Hall, who I think is one of the most talented actresses working today. After seeing her in The Prestige and Frost/Nixon, it's obvious great things lie in store.

Review - BOLT (3D)

2009-02-08T18:43:00.008Z

Synopsis: The unknowing canine star of an action packed adventure TV show is separated from his owner when the show moves studios from east to west coast. Aided by a street-smart cat and a gung-ho hamster, Bolt sets off on a cross country adventure to be reunited with his loving human.

Review
I think filmmaking for a younger audience has come on in leaps and bounds in recent years, thanks largely to Pixar Studios. Brilliant animation, sterling voice work and thematically sound and even complex storylines have elevated their films to cinematic marvels. If that sounds a bit lofty, just go and watch Wall-E. No comparison.

Bolt isn't bad, not by any stretch. In fact, it's a nicely put together road movie with some nice visuals and a few decent laughs. But it's overwhelmingly schmaltzy at times and rams the fairly pointless messages down throats with little subtlety. You don't need superpowers to be super. And...erm...look after your dog.

The good? Well, without a doubt, the opening exciting installment of the TV show is incredible, a visually inventive chase sequence with helicopters, bikes and explosions all round, a fun homage to spy thrillers and action cinema. You can even read it as a satire of big budget filmmaking, if you're that desperate to find more than one layer. But once this sequence is over and we step into the 'real world' (yes, I'm well aware of the irony), the film slows down dramatically and never quite reaches the lofty heights of it's fictional prologue.

Also worthy of note are some comedy pigeons with varying accents and attitudes depending on state lines, and, of course, the superfan hamster, Rhino, voiced by Mark Walton. With any break out character, he's got all the best lines and moments and the film's far more enjoyable when he's on screen. The rest of the voice work's nothing to write home about, aside from maybe Malcolm McDowell as the TV shows villainous mastermind. John Travolta and Miley Cyrus sound just like themselves without much effort put into it.

It's a surprise to find John Lasseter's name in the credits without this flick having anywhere near the charm of his previous efforts (even Cars surpasses this). Of course, I'm talking as an adult here, and I'm not the target audience - but if Wall-E, Monsters Inc and The Incredibles can speak directly to me without being patronising, it's not too much to ask from this. At times, even the kids in the theatre seemed a little bored.

The 3D presentation is certainly impressive, but at the moment it still feels like a gimmick. Certainly, the only reason I saw this in the theatre was to check out the 3D aspect, otherwise this would have been a wait-for-DVD. The technique is still not perfect however; objects moving quickly at the front of the depth of field seem to have a ghosting effect at times, and the dark tinted glasses occasionally give the film a noticeably muggy feeling. With any new technology, I'm sure these are all kinks soon to be worked out. Roll on Avatar. Jim Cameron's going to have a far better grasp of what the technology can do - and in live action, no less.

* * * - 3 STARS

Watchmen Video Journal: Rorschach's Mask

2009-02-08T11:31:00.003Z

If you're unfamiliar with Watchmen, you've got just over a month to read the superb graphic novel before Zack Snyder's long-awaited adaptation arrives in cinemas. The level of detail, care and attention that's been put into this film is astounding, as the video below displays.

To say I'm excited for Watchmen is an understatement. It's one of those movies that comes with the "This better not suck..." prayer as you settle down in the cinema.

Land Of The Lost Trailer

2009-02-08T11:23:00.006Z

A TV series I have very vague memories of gets the big screen comedy treatment with Will Ferrell, Danny McBride and Anna Friel. I like all three of the leads, and the trailer looks like good old fashioned fun. I can't imagine we'll be talking about this one for years to come, but it should pass a fun few hours.

And hopefully some of that ropey CGI will be cleaned up in time for release.

Observe & Report Trailer

2009-02-08T11:11:00.003Z

Seth Rogen's dark hearted comedy looks like the evil twin of Paul Blart: Mall Cop. The tone of the trailer is much blacker than I'd ever thought a Seth Rogen comedy would do. Looks like Seth's expanding his range a little. One to keep an eye on.

It Begins

2009-02-08T09:00:00.002Z

Welcome to Film-Crack, a new film news and reviews blog. From new releases to old classics, here we'll look at the ins and outs of cinema, its high and low points, its joys and triumphs. This blog will act as chronicle of what we've watched, when we've watched it and what we think. Reviews will be honest and likely colourful.

So...let's get on with it. See you at the movies.